


50+ Personification Children Wreaking Havoc

by AlexHosler



Series: AlexHosler's ヘタリア (Hetalia) Writings! [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abuse, Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, America cannot deny his children, American Politics, And I'm trying to translate this too, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, But I translate, But please, But this is not porn, DO NOT ARGUE IN THE COMMENTS, Depression, Different languages, F/F, F/M, FUCK, Gen, Great Depression, Have a nice quarantine, I Don't Even Know, I Love You All, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I do have warnings, I have popped my tag virginity, I listened to the same song on repeat for five hours while writing this, I'm running out of ideas for tags, I've never done this before, Is anyone reading this anymore?, It isn't cliché, It was Actual Cannibal Shia Lebouf, M/M, Magic, Multi, OH YEAH THERE'S A FEW REFERENCES TO RAPE BUT I MARK THE CHAPTERS AND SCENES, Other, Please don't come here for the porn, Please give me a chance, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Russia is soft, Secret Children, Secret family, Secrets, So don't worry y'all, So yeah, TAKE CARE OF YOUR LOVELY SELVES!!!, There is sin in this, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done, at some point, but not often, by the way, come for the story, no regrets, secret kids, so you can skip over the chapter that has it, take care of yourselves please, they fuck, well only a little, welp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 19,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24172096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexHosler/pseuds/AlexHosler
Summary: So basically USA birthed children (and so did Canada and Mexico but blah blah blah) and they have to properly hide themselves from the countries... Please give me a chance, this is my first publication on AO3. And please provide constructive feedback of any kind!Also, please don't go on about countryhumans... I don't have anything against you as an individual, but that fandom gets a lot of bad rep. So if you see this as Countryhumans, that's fine. Just please don't go rambling about it in the comments because this is meant to be HETALIA (ヘタリア)!!!I hope you all have a lovely day!!!!!! :)
Relationships: America & Canada & England & France (Hetalia), America/Russia (Hetalia), Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia)
Series: AlexHosler's ヘタリア (Hetalia) Writings! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913362
Comments: 40
Kudos: 132





	1. The Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> I promise it gets better... This is my first publication on AO3! But seriously, any tips/feedback would be appreciated~!
> 
> (Under hiatus until AT LEAST Hallowe'en! I'm super behind in school work...)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning...

"I made coffee and I thought you'd want some."

Alfred's head bolted up from his phone and his eyes twinkled. "Are you an angel?!"

The girl smiled indulgently and handed America a mug of coffee. She sat down next to him on the bench and pointed at his phone. "Who're ya textin'?"

"Virginia," Alfred texted quickly, fingers expertly flashing across the screen. "He says you and John got into another fight, is that true?" He put his phone down and looked at the girl sipping her coffee.

"It's not my fault John's a massive dumbass." She petulantly muttered into her cup.

"You were fighting about the Powerpuff Girls again, weren't you."

It wasn't a question.

"BUBBLES IS THE BEST BUT _H_ _E_ IS UNDER THE DELUSION THAT BUTTERCUP IS AND I JUST WANT A REASON TO PUNCH HIS STUPID FACE IN! WE ALL KNOW THAT I'M THE STRONGEST-"

Alfred cleared his throat.

"... out of the last ten states added to the United States of America."

"Ve~ America, are you alright? I heard yelling--ve?! Who's this bambina? Ciao ciao~!"

The girl panicked and dove headfirst out the nearest window.

Italy screamed and ran to the window, expecting to see a body broken on the ground. No, instead the girl was running steadily, drinking her coffee as she bolted away.

"AMERICA, THE BAMBINA--THE BAMBINA--IS SHE HURT?!"

"Nah, Jackie's fine," America closed the window and walked out, waving his hand and drinking some of his coffee. "Bye bye~"

Italy ran back to the meeting room and clung onto Germany in fear, mumbling words in Italian that Germany seemed to 2% understand. Romano didn't even bother to translate, as he was busy fighting Spain's hands off of his with a flush on his face.

Alfred sat in his chair, downing the coffee. Man, his children were just great and not just for comedic effect.


	2. The Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alfred decides that his children are cute and adult-y, so he cries (me too, Alfred, me too...)

"Hey, Dad."

Alfred turned around and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Why dressed so formal?"

A girl with black hair tugged on her tux. "Uh, well I came to ask you something…"

"Why so nervous? Alicia, you know I already love you like a daughter, you're practically already married into this family."

"Well, about that…" Alicia cleared her throat and pulled out a box, carefully handing it to Alfred. She watched as he opened it, revealing the ring she had bought two weeks ago. "W-what if I was married into your family for real…?"

Alfred gaped at the ring, looking between the silver ring and the blushing Alicia. He closed the box with a loud snap, causing Alicia to look at him nervously.

Alfred smiled with tears in his eyes and tucked the box back into Alicia's tux pocket. Then he pulled her into his arms and cried into her shoulder.

"You have my blessing, Alicia." He sniffled and clung onto her harder.

"Wha--really?!"

Alfred put his hands on Alicia's shoulders and appraised her. "Darling, you're already a part of our family." He wiped his tears and laughed, fixing Alicia's fluffy hair and slightly messed up tux. "Go on, go propose. He'll say yes, I just know it!"

"You really think so?"

"I know so! Now go pick him up, give him the best date so far in his lifetime, and get that ring on his finger!" Alfred broke down again. "You all grow up so much! It seems like it was just yesterday you were asking me where the ice cream was in a panda onesie!"

"Dad, that was because it _was_ just yesterday." Alicia gave Alfred a tissue, who gladly accepted.

"I don't care! You all are so grown up now!"

"You have two babies, five toddlers, and many more children and teens."

"Shh, just let me have my moment!" Alfred blew his nose. "Soon I'll have grandchildren because you both want kids! Make me a grandpa already, dammit! Have some tux babies running around our house!"

"You know that we're trying, sorry the process is so slow. We booked an appointment with the doctor and the adoption centre so…"

"Alicia~~~~~~~~~~" Alfred cried out dramatically and clung to Alicia's leg. "I feel so old~"

"You're over two hundred years old."

 _"Officially_ two hundred-forty-three but I'm so much older than that and I don't really think any of the other countries other than our family realizes that."

"Right. Now are you going to let me go? I have to drive back to the house to pick up Gino."

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." Alfred composed himself the best he could and stood up, straightening Alicia's tie. "Now go be the strong nation you are and sweep my motherfucking son off his feet."

"Yessir!" Alicia said cheerfully, saluting before leaving.

Alfred waved out of the window until he no longer saw any trace of her. "They really do grow up so fast." He sighed, leaning his head on his hand and wiping away the stray tears.

\---

_"Livin' in the Sweet Virginia Breeze-"_

America picked up his phone so quick that it almost flung across the meeting table. He slammed his free hand on the table and waited for Virginia to speak.

_"PA, ALI PROPOSED TO ME!"_

"I KNOW WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

_"YES! I SAID YES!"_

Alfred yelped in excitement. "YAY! So how does it feel to be ENGAGED?!"

_"FUCKING AMAZING!"_

"I'm on my way, when I get there y'all are telling me _everything_."

_"Sure thing, Pa! … Jackie says for you to not forget your papers again or else she'll hiyah you… yes, exactly that word."_

"I got 'em, I got 'em." America didn't think and just jumped out the window, barely catching onto the fire escape ladder. He easily used his one free hand to pull himself up and climbed up to the roof. "I'm hanging up now."

_"Will do. Enjoy jumping on the roofs, though you really shouldn't!"_

"Yeah!" America hung up, tucked his phone safely away in his bag, then screamed in excitement as he soared through the air until hitting the roof of another building. "WOOHOO!!!"

"AMERICA… IDIOT… WANKER… HURT!"

Alfred ignored England's yells out to him and jumped off the building he was currently on, winking and saluting at England as he jumped away.

When he got home, he cuddled all of his children in happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought that I would like to make it clear that Alicia is NOT one of Alfred's children ;-;
> 
> Rather, she's a small country NEAR the USA!


	3. The Close Calls - Cotton Eye Joe Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one in which cookies are mentioned after Alfred jumps from the building

"IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR COTTON EYE JOE, I'D BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME AGO!"

Alfred's left eye twitched. He wanted to close that window _n_ _ow_.

"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, WHERE DID YOU GO? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, COTTON-EYE JOE?"

_That cannot possibly be… no, not them…!_

"IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR COTTON-EYE JOE, I'D BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME AGO! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, WHERE DID YOU GO? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, COTTON-EYE JOE?"

Alfred's worst fears were then confirmed as a loud and strong voice that was most certainly Alicia rang out through the courtyard outside.

"HE CAME TO TOWN LIKE A RAGING STORM! HE RODE THROUGH THE FIELDS, SO HANDSOME AND STRONG! HIS EYES WAS HIS TOOLS AND HIS SMILE WAS HIS GUN! BUT ALL HE HAD COME FOR WAS HAVING SOME FUN!"

_Don't look outside, don't look outside, don't look--dammit Alfred!_

"IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR COTTON-EYE JOE, I'D BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME AGO! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, WHERE DID YOU GO? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, COTTON-EYE JOE?"

Arizona was happily playing the tambourine as the other states danced with strangers in the courtyard.

"HE BROUGHT DISASTER WHEREVER HE WENT!" Alicia sang, fanning herself with her fan as she danced with Gino. "THE HEARTS OF THE GIRLS WAS TO HELL, BROKEN, SENT! THEY ALL RAN AWAY SO NOBODY WOULD KNOW AND LEFT ONLY MEN 'CAUSE OF COTTON-EYE JOE!"

Alfred had had enough of it and dove under the desk, _as if that would help_. He curled up in a fetal position and covered his ears. "Not again, not again!"

"America… are you alright?" Germany asked curiously, keeping an eye on Feliciano, who was leaning out the window to see the crowd better.

"Noooooooooooooooo-!"

"I thought this was your national anthem or something, aru. Shouldn't you be joining them?"

"HELL NO! THIS STUPID--GODDAMN--FUCKING--SONG--I WILL KILL SOMEONE!" America bolted out from under the table and dove headfirst out of the window.

"Hey, look! It's Mr. Alfred!"

Alicia stopped fanning herself and grinned as Alfred debated whether he would teleport or not. "HI-HI!!!!"

Arizona spun around, making their old-fashioned dress floof up. "BYE-BYE!"

America screamed as he teleported.

"Hey, it's that bambina! Jackie, was that her name? JACKIE! JACKIE~!"

Jackie stopped her conversation with Gino and waved up at the countries. "HELLO! Y'ALL CAN COME JOIN US!"

"COME TO THE DARK SIDE!"

"WE'VE GOT COOKIES!"

"THAT'S A LIE, WE DON'T REALLY HAVE COOKIES! IT'S JUST A SAYING!"

\---

Alfred appeared in his home and immediately heard music pouring through the house.

It was Cotton Eye Joe.


	4. The Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Russia appears...

"Yo Pops, I was wonderin' if I could get some ice cream?"

Alfred looked up, pencil stopping mid-air. He pushed his glasses up his nose and asked, "How much and what flavour?"

"Mint chocolate chip, rocky road, and rainbow sherbet, two gallons each."

"May you please get me a pint of strawberry ice cream? The good one, without all of that unnatural sugar?" Alfred stood and fumbled with his wallet for a moment, hiding the pitiful amount of money from his child. "Here, this should be enough to get me one and get something like fruit snacks for everyone else. If it isn't, I'll pay you back."

"Really? Thanks, Pa!"

Alfred hugged the teenager back and sighed. "Yes, yes. If you want, you can bring it to me but if not I can eat it when I get home. It's really no big deal either way, whatever works for you."

"The store is actually right next to here, so it's not out of my way. I'll bring it here."

"Awesome, then I'll see you soon. I'll probably just be sitting in this chair," Alfred sat down as if to prove his point and waved. "Bye, Gino."

"Bye, Pa! Don't work too hard again!"

"Yeah, yeah."

_*About twenty minutes later*_

"The cashier thought that I was throwing a party and kept asking me questions about it... but I eventually got the goods. Here, your ice cream."

Alfred looked up from his paperwork and rubbed his sore neck. "Thank you very much." He opened his purse and took out a silverware container. "Was it enough money?"

"Yeah, have two dollars and fifty-seven cents back."

"Nah, you keep it," Alfred waved off the money. "I can't really keep change on me while I'm jumping on roofs, it jingles too much and attracts _way_ too much attention--especially if it falls out of my pocket."

"Okay, okay, I get it. You shouldn't jump on roofs, Pops."

"Psh, I'm fine." Alfred scooped out some ice cream and hummed in content as the strawberry flavour danced across his tongue.

"Hm?" Russia stopped in the main lobby area, where he had hoped to sit around with some quiet time and maybe read a book or two. But instead he found America and America Jr./Version 2. "Who's this?"

Alfred almost choked on his ice cream when he heard Ivan Braginski speak behind him. He coughed a little and averted his gaze from his worst nightmare--one of his children having to meet the Russian he had spoken so lowly of, much less than he deserved, in the home. This had only turned around recently, thankfully, and most of his children didn't have any hatred against Ivan--actually, none of his children bore any hatred towards the man. Only curiosity.

"Hello, I'm Gino..." Virginia paused, about to say his last name, but decided against it. "Er, nice to meet you!"

"Ivan Braginsky. Pleasure, дa?"

Gino puffed out his cheeks as he sized up the man in front of him. Then he smiled and extended his hand, taking Russia's. "Ja…"

Alfred tugged on Gino's sleeve and pointed at the bags. "You should probably hurry those home before they melt."

"Oh yeah. See you later!" Gino waved and went out the door, tugging his scarf to fit snugger around his neck as he left.

"Aw, I wanted to ask nice kid about scarf." Russia pouted and sat on the seat across from Alfred. "What are you doing anyway, Amerika? And why so many papers?"

"I wanted to map out a bill that legislation might actually be able to pass this time, not to mention the thirty bills that multiple senators asked me to proof read," Alfred sighed and stacked said papers in different piles. "And then there's taxes, my jobs' work, my overwhelming debt to basically everyone, and mortgage and planning out the grocery lists and the meals that we eat together..."

"Who's _we_?" Ivan paused Alfred's rambling about his work for a moment when he commented on the wording.

Alfred froze with a smile on his face that quickly fell. He made a show of looking at his watch and standing up. "Well, would you LOOK AT THE TIME-! I really should be going now! Bye bye~!!!!" He quickly packed his stuff and ran out of the room.

"Ufu~ He's hiding something and it has something to do with kid. Дa, I will have much fun finding out secret."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papalapa isn't a word... I just sometimes call my Papà that (affectionately!)


	5. BUBBLES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one in which Feli gets mad at Alfred

"I will have you know that I almost died three times on my way here to get you these papers so I sure hope you're happy."

A child aged about ten years stood at the door of the world meeting room, panting and holding a folder. She thrust the folder at America, looked out of the window appraisingly and seemed to be about to jump before someone pushed her away.

"There's a door, Jackie, use it."

"But I don't wanna." Jackie groaned. "Too many stairs--oh my gosh, it's _him_! I'm gonna kill him!"

She jumped out of the window onto a tree branch and pulled a bow and arrows seemingly out of nowhere, shooting at a figure running towards the building. " _FUCK YOU, JOHN! BUBBLES IS THE BEST CHARACTER IN POWERPUFF GIRLS, NOT BUTTERCUP!_ "

" _BUTTERCUP IS SUPERIOR!_ "

" _O_ _H YEAH?! SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BASTARD!_ "

America merely shut the window as the girl dived down from the tree.

"BAMBINA! THAT'S THE BAMBINA JACKIE! AMERICA, THAT'S HIGHER THAN LAST TIME! GERMANY HELP!"

"Psh, she's fine. See?" The countries looked out the window to see the girl, Jackie, chasing after a boy about the same age with her bow and arrows still in her hand. "It's John that I'd be worried about, honestly." Alfred shrugged and sat down.

"DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE BAMBINA?!" North Italy leapt at America, only to be held back by Germany.

"Of course I do, but I did warn her against it. Someday she'll either land wrong and learn her lesson or she'll always keep a swift foot."

Italy calmed down slightly. "Ve… fine, but I'm still worried," Then he perked up and flung himself into Germany's arms. "Hold me, Germany! Hug me!"

"Yes, Italy." Germany easily caved in.

Russia was interestedly looking at America, a smirk on his face as he thought of some ideas.


	6. The Case of Canada Asking: "Who?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one in which two teens talk about personal stuff in a middle school bathroom and PrusCan/CanPrus is being cute as per usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wazzup, pals? Alex Hosler here! I wanted a chapter or seven (million) that mainly focuses on the adorable Canada and his children! Enjoy~
> 
> Mentions of abuse!!

It started out as a normal day for Canada.

Wake up.

Go back to sleep.

Wake up.

Go back to sleep.

Have Prussia drag him out of bed around six thirty when it was clear he wasn't going to get up by himself.

Kiss each of his nine children (his last three children hadn't been discovered or birthed yet) on their heads as a good morning.

Make pancakes with loads of maple syrup for everyone.

Eat said pancakes. With extra maple syrup.

Send his children off to school, making sure to split Ontario and Québec from a petty fight.

Read a book on the couch with Gilbert on his lap and Gilbird on his head until eight. Then he would go and do some paperwork in his office for his prime minister.

He would re-emerge around eleven to find Gilbert snoring on the couch and would affectionately wake him up by ripping off his blankets, causing Prussia to fall off of the couch. Pay back for the morning ritual.

They would eat lunch.

Sometime around twelve at least one of his children would inform him via text that they would be going over to Alfred's house after school. Luckily their houses were fifteen minutes away from each other, both right next to their border. Unless you count security checks, but they had given up checking them every time they crossed the border because they did so almost every day. Now they just sighed as they said hello.

He would finish his paperwork then work out until it was time to make dinner. Prussia would have usually made dinner by then, insisting on doing more around the house, so they had dinner earlier than Canada always planned.

Sometime after his provinces and territories would come home.

They would lounge around for a while before they headed off to bed with two goodnight kisses on the forehead.

Gilbert and Matthew would then migrate to their bedroom and have some alone time to theirselves--cuddling, kissing, sex, reading, sleep, knitting, whatever they wanted.

Then repeat.

Matthew woke up the next day with Gilbert ripping the blankets off of him and dragging him out of bed.

"Come help the awesome me make some awesome pancakes!"

Canada grumbled but stood on his own after a minute, giving Kumajirou his breakfast as he went.

As he passed their children, he gave each of them a kiss on their heads while grumbling about having to get up. Matthew properly woke up when he smelled pancakes and maple syrup and he rushed in to help Gilbert.

They were all seated and had a delicious breakfast, with Canada pouring way too much maple syrup on his pile of pancakes.

"School time, children. Nora, please stop hitting your brother."

"But he-"

"No buts, please get your bag and go to school."

"Yes, Papà."

He smiled and waved until the children were out of view, then grabbed a book. Gilbird settled on his head--making sure to avoid his curl, as he had learned before--and Gilbert laid his head on Matthew's lap. He smiled as he softly read aloud to his boyfriend.

Around eight, he forced himself up to do some paperwork. Gilbert whined until Matthew threw a blanket over him to replace the warmth. Gilbird stayed on Canada's head, content in the soft hair.

After three hours of papers and words and signatures and highlighting, Canada emerged from his office to find Prussia fast asleep on the couch. He smirked and yanked the blankets away, enjoying the yelp and thump of Prussia way too much.

"Rise and shine, eh?"

"That was mean, Birdie," Prussia pouted and climbed off of the floor and onto Canada's back. "Carry ze awesome me."

"Oui, I suppose."

\---

Luna hummed cheerily to herself as she entered the school bathrooms. It took her a moment to realize that there was someone crying in a stall.

She frowned and knocked on the stall door. "Is everything alright?" She asked softly.

The other person was quiet for a moment. Then shuffled out.

"S-sorry, you ca-can go in now…"

"I don't think you're okay. Do you want to talk to a stranger?"

"W-what about str-anger danger?" The girl managed a small laugh and brushed some tears away.

"Oh, well I'm Luna Williams!"

"Romilda Williams...on. Williamson."

"Now we're not strangers anymore, Romilda! Do you want to talk about why you were crying or just talk or would you like to play a game or something?"

"I mean, if you wouldn't mind listening… it might be good for me to talk, I guess…"

"Okay, you can stop whenever you want! I'll give you my undivided attention!"

"Well, I'm in the foster care system," Romilda paused and scanned to see if Luna was pitying her or hating her, luckily she saw nothing so she continued. "Have been for… a while now. I've lived in most of the world. Most of the foster families are nice or indifferent, but some of them are really really mean and are just in the system to gain reputation or for the money."

Luna nodded.

"Well, my current foster family really isn't nice."

There was silence as Romilda paused and took a deep breath.

"They… hit me. And don't feed me. I only have these clothes because the neighbourhood chipped in when they saw the state of my previous clothes."

Romilda took a moment to recollect herself, wiping away her tears.

"And th-they constantly have gambling friends over, who also like to hit me and yell. Some of them have tried to go farther but I managed to get away… they all scare me but if I try to report them they get even scarier… last time I tried, it didn't go well and I couldn't get up for two weeks."

Luna put a comforting hand on Romilda's shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help? You can stay at my house, my dads are always happy for company…"

"I really couldn't possibly impose. Besides, I basically only know your name."

"Well, I have two dads and in total they currently have nine children, including me. If you think that's hectic, you really should meet my Uncle Al. He has over fifty children!"

Romilda smiled softly and used her hoodie sleeve to wipe away more tears. "Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Luna grinned and clapped her hands. "Look look, I have a family picture on my computer!" She ran over to grab her laptop and sat down right next to Romilda. "Right here's my Uncle Al, here's my dad Matthew and that one's my dad Gilbert. And his pet bird, Gilbird!"

"... That's an awesome name for a bird."

Luna giggled. "He'd absolutely love you! So would Père! That's what we call Matthew, because he's English and French and a few other things."

"Père…" Romilda trailed off, wondering if she could ever have that kind of relationship with someone. Someone that would take care of her, even though she figured out long ago that she was one Canada's territories. The previous prime minister hid her away, and the current one either didn't know about her or just was ignoring her. "And what do you call your dad Gilbert?"

"Vati! He's Prussian," Luna put a hand on Romilda's head and patted it. "And my siblings are here! That's Nora and that one is…"

And so they spent the rest of class in the bathroom, just talking and laughing.

"You do realize that we just met and talked about some real personal stuff in a middle school  _ bathroom _ ?"

"Yup!" Luna chirped. "Wanna come meet my family in person?"

Romilda's eyes widened in surprise. "You actually want me to meet them? You want them to meet  _ me _ ?"

"Yes! They'll absolutely love you! I promise you, you'll be a part of the family by the end of the night!"

That sentence hit Romilda the most. "A-alright, I'll come if you're sure…"

"YAY! Do you also want to meet Uncle Al or would you rather wait?"

"Uh, I don't have a preference…"

"Then would you be okay if we go see Uncle Al?"

"Y-yeah."

\---

"This is a very comfy house… and it houses fifty plus children…?"

"Yup! Most of them share bedrooms, especially the younger ones! Besides, Uncle Al and most of the kids are into minimalism because of the past, so it's not like they have a whole bunch of stuff around!"

"Th-that's cool…" Romilda shifted. "And you're sure they won't hit me or anything?"

"Of course! Uncle Al's a big softie! He'll probably hug each of us at lea~st two times before Ontario is telling us to leave!"

"Your sibling's name is Ontario…? Haha, like my middle name being Yukon…"

Luna's smile suddenly grew wider. "Oh my goodness, you're moving in with us!"

"W-what…?"

"You're like us!" Luna whirled around and screamed, "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!"

The child nearest to them, sleeping on the couch, let out a small, "Yay!" in their  _ sleep _ .

"Another child? Are they one of mine?" An adult poked their head out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on his apron. "Hello, I'm Alfred F. Jones, or the United States. Nice meeting you!"

"Uh-"

"This is Romilda, she's Yukon! I  _ thought _ I felt the aura off of her but I wasn't sure!"

"Oh! Nice to meet you, Romilda. Please do make yourself at home before you go over to Mattie's house."

Alfred walked away and Romilda just stood there. "Luna, what-"

"Wait, did I forget to explain?"

" _ Yes! _ "

"Oops. Okay, so basically…"

\---

The rest of the time at Alfred's house was mostly a blur--though Luna was right, but instead of two times, Alfred ended up hugging them both three times.

"Come on, we're going home."

Luna leaned over to whisper, "That's Embry Ontario Williams, he looks scary but he's such a Teddy bear once you know him. Unless you're Nora, but that's because they have that feud. Go on, introduce yourself."

"H-hello…" Romilda flinched back as the cold gaze was directed to her and instinctively bowed her head in submission. "My name is Romilda Yukon Williams… Ni-nice t-to mee-t y-you!"

A hand was suddenly on her head and when she looked up fearfully, Ontario was kneeling in front of her. "I'm Embry Ontario Williams. There's no need to be frightened, it's okay. It's nice meeting you too, Romilda Yukon. Am I correct in my assumption that you are coming home with us?" Nod. "Good. Is there anything that you need from your old house?" Romilda searched her bag and then shook her head. "You're  _ sure  _ you have everything you need in there." Nod.

"I--I pack everything i-in my bag s-so that th-they don't…"

Ontario's gaze seemed to soften. "I understand, Romilda Yukon. Please, join us in the car. Our siblings are buckling up right now."

_ Our siblings. _

"O-okay."

\---

Romilda hugged her bag as they pulled into the driveway.

Luna hugged Romilda and giggled. "They're going to love you!"

"O-okay…"

\---

Romilda hugged her bag as she was shown around the house. "Y-you have a n-nice house…"

"Thank you!" Luna opened another door. "And this will be our bedroom! Are you okay with that?" Nod. "Yay! Thank goodness! Okay, I have another mattress over there, we were always planning for another sibling!"

Luna bounced around as she positioned the mattress against the left wall. "And then I have a big closet so we can put both of our clothes in it! Oh, and a little shelf for personal items!"

Romilda just glanced at the shelf offered and put her bag on it, not taking anything out. She hadn't even met this Matthew yet!

"Awesome children, dinner time!"

Luna dragged Romilda to the table.

\---

"So how was school?" Matthew's soft voice asked.

"Good." Was answered around the table.

"Good, good. Anything fun? By the way, who is this?"

Luna put her fork in the air, waving it wildly. "We have a new sibling! Romilda, introduce yourself!"

Romilda flushed with embarrassment as everyone's attention turned to her. "H-hel-lo… Romilda Y-Yukon Will-iams… student… S-sorry!"

"Nice to meet you, awesome Romilda! Kesesese!"

"Gilbert, behave. Romilda, it's great having you here. Please stay as long as you wish… how is your current living situation?"

Romilda tensed up, that seemed to be enough answer for Matthew.

"It's okay, Romilda. I'll sign custody so that they can't get you. Do you have everything you need from your house?"

Nod.

"Alright, that's good. Do you mind telling me their name or names so that I may arrest them?"

In a very quiet voice, she managed, "Claire and Zenta Janthal…"

"Thank you. Luna, did you give her your extra mattress?"

"Mhm! And we're going to share the room and closet!"

Romilda managed a small giggle as Luna clung onto her in another hug. She liked it because it was so… warm and loving.

\---

After dinner, Romilda unpacked her personal belongings--her diary, a small water bottle and two pairs of clothes.

"Hmm, we'll go clothes shopping tomorrow." Luna said, gazing at the small stack of clothes.

Romilda flushed and looked down in shame. "Sorry…"

"No, no, don't be sorry! We all want you to have a good life with us, so let me take you out shopping while Pére does the paperwork to get custody over you?"

"Um, o-okay…"

"Yay!"

"Hey, I was wondering if you awesome Kinder needed anything from the store tomorrow?"

Romilda jumped and shook her head but Luna nodded. "Yup! We need to go shopping tomorrow!"

"Ja, okay. We leave around 10:00 then, kesese~" Prussia smiled at both of them. "Gute Nacht, Kinder."

"Goodnight, Vati!"

"G-good--n-night…"

\---

Romilda gasped and bolted up, but then covered her mouth.  _ Don't make a sound, they'll hurt you. _

Suddenly the door creaked open.

"Is everything okay?" Canada's quiet voice asked.

Romilda just froze.

Matthew ran a hand through his fluffy hair and then approached Romilda's bed. He knelt beside it and tilted his head. "Is everything okay?" He repeated, not raising his voice at all. If anything, he was more quiet.

Romilda gave a jerky nod and whispered, "Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. Now, do you want a glass of warm milk or something to help you calm down?" A tiny nod. "Okay, thank you for telling me."

Romilda fidgeted as Matthew left and stared at the bed,  _ what if _ s running through her mind.

"Tada~ some warm milk," Matthew sat down again next to Romilda's mattress. She took the drink when offered and sipped it. "So, is there anything wrong? I'd like to try to help."

"I--I don't think…" Romilda sighed. "I just… bad memories, you know?"

"What kind of bad memories?"

Romilda sighed and took another drink to delay having to answer. "It isn't even that bad. Just a few whippings."

Matthew frowned. "Little Maple, caretakers aren't supposed to do that."

"I'm aware." Romilda sighed and finished the warm milk.

"I promise I'll get them caught. You'll have justice."

"Thank you. You're very nice."

Matthew smiled sadly. "I'm just trying my best to be a good caretaker."

"Well, thank you anyways."

"Anytime," Matthew said, then watched as her eyes closed and her breathing evened out. "Anytime." He repeated, quieter, and kissed her forehead, tucking her in.

The next day, after Prussia dragged him out of bed, he kissed each of his ten children on their heads as a good morning.


	7. The Encounter of the Scarfs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gino is worried about Alfred, Ivan decides to talk to him

Gino hummed happily to himself as he went into the cafe. He stood in line and bounced on his heels as he flipped through his father's notes.  _ Boring country stuff… but if I don't do this, Papalapa might overwork himself again. _

"Ah, back again! What would you like today, Mr. Jones?"

"May I please have my usual?"

"Sure thing!"

Gino pulled out the money and paid, then watched as they brought him his croissant and hot chocolate. He smiled and accepted the items. "Thank you!"

"Thank you for coming!"

Gino puffed out his cheeks and debated for a moment. He finally decided to sit in a booth near the window, where he could maximize his warmth levels. Disregarding the looks, he pulled out his blanket and curled up in the corner of the booth; he ate and drank and jotted down some more notes on something that he knew Alfred had missed.

"How the fuck did you  _ accidentally  _ write down a transcript of what Italy said to Germany…? No one wants to see _ that _ ! Yikers."

After he scribbled out  _ that _ part, he deemed the rest of the notes as acceptable. He groaned quietly as he moved on to his college class.

"Fucking history! I'm immortal, I shouldn't have to be required to take this!"

He pouted as he took his notes. He pouted as he finished up his assignment.

"Ah! Привет, Comrade!"

" _ Whom the fuck dares _ \--oh, hello Mr. Braginski! What a coincidence seeing you here!"

"Дa, delight!" Ivan sat himself across from Gino and tilted his head curiously. "What are you doing?"

"History." Gino threw his notebook in the direction of his bag. "How're you?"

"Happy, and you?"

"I'm doing just FiNE-!" Gino's voice broke and he cleared his throat. "I swear I'm not in puberty. The sarcasm got to me for a sec. Anyways, what're you still doing in America, Mr. Russian Braginski?"

"Another meeting."

Gino nodded and hummed in sympathy.  _ Actually, he was in the same building as Pops. I wonder if he knows about the countries' personifications? _ He appraised the other man for a moment.  _ Damn, he's young for a businessperson… I think… I'm immortal so age is a little wack for me. _

"Anything interesting that has happened in life recently?"

"Yes, actually!" Gino brightened and lifted his hand proudly. His silver ring glimmered in the light. "Alicia proposed to me last month!"

"Uwa~ Really?!" Russia grinned, super bubbly. "How was it? How did it happen?"

"Oh it was awesome! Almost as awesome as me! Before she came to pick me up from our house, she went and got Papalapa's permission for my hand in marriage! So sweet! And then she took me on a wonderful evening starting with flowers and a fantastic restaurant and…"

As Gino continued talking about that night, Russia smiled and listened attentively. Hardly anyone ever sat with him and just talked like he was a human being. America would because they used to be friends before the Cold War and were becoming better friends now. In fact, he rarely got scared of him.

\---

"... Дa! Ah, and where did you get lovely scarf?"

Gino smiled and pulled at it. "Pops made it for me! He made one for every one of us, actually, when each of us moved in! It's awesome, isn't it?! He also made some for Tío Mattie and Pépé Francis and Grandpa Iggy and…"

_ Iggy? Doesn't Amerika call England Iggy? And Francis could be France… I don't recognize this 'Maddie' though, so it could just be a giant coincidence. Ah, did he just say Gilbert? Oh, and Peter? I recall hearing that name too. Wasn't that little England look-alike? This is a lot of funny  _ coincidences _ , ufu~! _

"... and each of my cousins have one too! Papalapa says he knits so that he doesn't kill people but then again he is a great person so he could just be doing it to be kind!"

"You really love your father, don't you?"

"Mhm! I'm sure if you got close to him you'd be able to see just how loving he is!" Gino smiled and toyed with his scarf embroidered with his flag and his favourite colours. "And he's an awesome cook! It tastes like heaven was bestowed upon you! Although he works too hard… that's why I try to help with his work! He may seem carefree but he actually works really hard! And then he goes and takes other's work when they are swamped, making him stay up all night long and day long for, like, a week! And then he passes out on the couch! Not cool, bro! He needs to learn how to take care of himself better! Honestly, just two days ago I caught him asleep on the kitchen counter with his notes in hand! He could've caught a cold or somethin'!"

Virginia smiled and continued talking about Alfred, complaining about his inability to take care of himself on multiple occasions.


	8. The Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, Alfred has instincts like no one else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been listening to Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf for two hours now and the "SHIA SURPRISE!" still gets me every time.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0u4M6vppCI

"Hm…? What's this?" Jackie asked as she pulled out something. "Feathers…?"

She lifted it up and looked at it closely. "It's a hat! Kinda… Wait, is that the thing in the picture? Dammit, where's the picture?!"

Jackie flung open the door of the closet and gasped, stumbling back. "W-what the actual fuck? What era are these clothes from?!" Then she waved some of the dust away from her face and peered at the clothing that was odd to her. "Oh! That was also in the picture!"

She ruffled around the top shelf of the closet and knocked down the picture she had been looking for as well as a sealed box. Jackie looked at the door of her father's room as though it were about to burst open but nothing happened.

"Woah…"

Tons of pictures that seemed to sparkle lay in the box.

She shook her head and went back to the first picture she had originally looked for.

It took her two minutes to comprehend that it was Alfred in the picture.

"Waaaa~"

She put the picture in the box and made to ruffle through the other pictures. Instead, as soon as she made contact with one, she pulled her hand back as though she just had an electric shock.

"Magic." She whispered, then again, "Magic…!"

The picture shined brighter, as though confirming her thoughts. She laughed delightedly.

"Hey, if you let me touch you, may I see your backstory?" Jackie asked.

***Elsewhere, in England...***

America inhaled sharply and bolted up from his nap. Ignoring the surprised shouts, he leapt out the window and left behind his bag. As he free-fell, he whispered something and disappeared before he hit the ground.

***In Alfred's room***

Alfred appeared in time to dive and catch Jackie as she fell, hand in the box that  _ should  _ have been sealed.

"I was too late..." He sighed as he stroked his daughter's hair.

_ Jackie's eyes widened as she saw herself near a river, she turned and stumbled back as a person almost walked into her. _

_ "Uh, excuse me-" _

_ The person stopped and talked to a woman that was holding hands with two children. It was a strange language that came out of his mouth, one that was familiar to Jackie--as if she heard it almost every day--but it wasn't something that she could name. _

_ "Wait, sir-" _

_ The youngest child brought attention to himself when he pulled out a spear and said something about it to the man. The man patted the child's head and the brother and mother looked happy. _

_ "Etsi!" The child with the spear said to the woman. It was the only word she could kind of make out as he rambled on about something. _

_ "Aww, you kind of look like Pa!" Jackie sat back on her haunches, having figured out that she could not be seen or heard. "And your brother looks like Tío Mattie! I wonder what they actually looked like when they were young..." _

_ Suddenly she was swept away from that scene and into another, one where the two children were standing in a circle with other children around their age. _

_ "What is it now? Pa-look-alike?" _

_ The child that resembled her father scampered up with his brother and each received a thing of... feathers? _

_ As their mother helped them put them on their heads, that was when Jackie realised. "That one is the one in the closet... Pa! It's a mini Pa! Waa~!!!" _

_ She jumped around until she noticed her mini-Pa snap his fingers and whisper something. Suddenly, a piece of paper floated down and he grabbed it. He laughed and clung onto his brother--Canada--as they both looked up at their mother with bright eyes. _

_ The mother laughed and patted their heads, allowing the paper to be shown to Jackie. _

_ It was the photograph that caused whatever was happening. _

Jackie's eyes snapped open and she groaned, shivering and squinting at the sudden light. It had been dark before, because she had pulled Alfred's curtains closed. Someone must have moved her... or maybe she had somehow walked on her own and she just didn't remember. Suddenly a familiar face appeared above her.

"You know, if you wanted to know the story about these you could've just  _ asked _ . When I was  _ home _ ." Alfred sighed and lay a hand across Jackie's forehead. "Though that does answer my question on if any of you inherited my magic… Sorry, Darling, there's nothing I can do about the fever. It's a magical exhaustion fever, it doesn't get cured even by modern medicine."

Jackie made a sound of agreement and opened her mouth to raspily whisper, "You and Tío Mattie were adorable children."

"Ah, and you must have seen Agitsi too."

"Your Mama?" Jackie fought to keep her eyes open as Alfred put a straw to her lips. Water, she found out as she sucked on the metal straw. "She seemed pretty nice. Tell me about her, Pa."

Alfred shifted Jackie into a more comfortable position and sat on the edge of the futon. "Well, Agitsi always let us do almost whatever we wanted, as long as we didn't get ourselves into too much trouble with the tribe. Back then we valued status, not materialistic items, much like how I do today." He laughed and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I remember one time Mattie and I dressed in traditional women's clothing and followed the women of the village around for about two months before Agitsi found out what we were doing. Back then that was a no-no, but Agitsi let it go, seeing how happy we were to learn the women's jobs too. We learned how to cook and sew, how to build houses, how to farm, how to take care of children, and much more. And we never got found out. Agitsi always laughed at us when we came home with more clothes than we left with but helped us put them away, she also helped us learn a few stitch patterns."

Jackie smiled and drifted off into a feverish sleep, listening to her Pa relay more stories about his past.


	9. The Cashier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alfred gets medicine for his poor little sick child but sees Ivan. He also gets some free chocolates!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, RusAme... In case you didn't read the tags hahaha
> 
> Oof at first I was just going to make the cashier nice but then I decided to make him an absolute arse ^-^

"I don't even know what country I'm in," Alfred quietly remarked to himself as he browsed through the medicines. "Ah, painkillers. These should help... I think the fever ones helped my exhaustion too so that would also be a good buy..."

He nodded to himself and turned around resolutely, only to let out a squeak as he came face to face to Russia. He let out a soft, "Oh?" in confusion before ducking under Russia's arm and awkwardly heading to the counter.  _ He can't get me if there are witnesses, and the more witnesses the better. Gosh, I sound like he's going to murder me. Probably not! I mean our relations have been good recently and- _

"Oh, is someone sick?" The cashier asked in a language that he couldn't put the name to but he easily responded.

"Yes, I really must be going soon..."

"Chocolate always helps," The cashier winked as he put some money from his own wallet into the cash register and then gave Alfred a small bag of chocolates. "Here, go take care of that someone. It's probably a child, isn't it?"

Alfred threw a surprised look at the cashier. "You--you really don't have to--I'm fine, I really don't--how do you know-"

"Shh~" The cashier put a finger on Alfred's lips and winked again, voice dropping an octave. "Think of it as a special gift for a special someone~"

"Really? Thank you very much, Sir."

The fact that the cashier was flirting with him flew over his head, he just thought he was in a very nice country with very nice people. So he smiled and accepted the gift, not noticing an angry Russian behind him.

"Did you know here in Russia if you are married to Russian citizen for three years you can get citizenship?"

Alfred's eyes lit up with the new information he was getting. At least now he knew he was in Russia. "Woah, really? Back in the United States it takes somewhere between 10-38 months just to get a green card if you're married to a citizen! We really need to change that."

"Wow, strange," The cashier leaned on the counter, standing from his stool. "So what's your name, Mr. American?"

"Oh, I'm Alfred F. Jones! What's yours?"

"Aleksander Fedorov. But you can call me Shurochka."

Ivan twitched. That was the romantic/pet name diminutive. However, he stayed calm. He wanted to see how America reacted to it, if he even knew what diminutives were.

"Shurochka? That's a diminutive, isn't it?" Alfred tilted his head wrinkling his nose in thought. "I'm not entirely sure what mine would be, actually."

"I can call you Fedechka~"

Alfred was about to respond when someone picked him up and walked him out of the store. He puffed out his cheeks and harshly tugged at the scarf as it floated around his hand. "I wasn't done though…"

"Well I am and  _ he  _ is," Ivan put America in the backseat of his car and leaned over him, pouting. "What were you in there for anyway? Why are you in Russia?"

"A kid I'm looking after got a fever so I needed some medicine. I just chose a random location," Alfred shrugged. "I didn't even know I was in your country until Shurochka said-"

"Don't call  _ him _ that."

"Eh? Why not?"

Ivan's eyes narrowed and he pinched Alfred's side. "That  _ Aleksander _ guy was  _ flirting _ .  _ Shurochka _ is  _ romantic _ diminutive."

"Oh… Oh! I wonder why?" Alfred tilted his head and made an adorable confused face. He shifted up so that his back was now leaning against the car door, still facing Russia.

"Because you are cute." Ivan stated matter-of-factly.

Alfred spluttered, waving his hands around. "W-wha--me--who--why--me?! Cute?!"

"Yes, cute."

"I don't think we're talking about the same person anymore," Alfred crossed his arms, still holding the bag of chocolates and medicines. "Are--are you going to let me go? I should really get these home."

"Why not use disappearing act of yours to transport them home?"

"Oh yeah I could totally do tha--wait, how do you know about that?!"

Ivan glanced out the window of his car and made eye contact with the angry cashier inside, who was watching their every move. He smirked. "It was quite easy to figure out, especially when you said that you said that you just said that you chose a random location," He trailed his fingers across Alfred's cheek, eyes flickering between Alfred's relaxed face and Aleksander's angry expression. "But knowing that you can disappear from situations makes me relieved."

"Er… why?"

Ivan smiled brightly. "Because you can be safe from dangerous situations and people!"

"Oh, that makes sense." America then blinked. "Wait, no it doesn't! Why are you of all people concerned about  _ me _ ?"

"I got  _ very  _ angry when Aleksander guy flirted with you." Ivan said as an answer, only making Alfred more and more confused. "And I realized I hadn't staked a claim on you."

"Huh? What are you going to do, make a sweater that says your name on it?"

"Not exactly." Ivan leaned closer to Alfred, relieved when the other nation did not back away. "May I kiss you?" He asked sweetly, getting closer still.

Alfred paused, considered it for a moment, then nodded. "Sure, dude."

One sweet kiss turned into multiple, then making out. Ivan grinned as he lowered his mouth to Alfred's neck, keeping eye contact with Aleksander as he sucked on the neck exposed only for him.

Alfred had lost count after three or so hickies and kind of spaced out in pleasure until Ivan sat up a little.

"I'm going to run inside and get something, да?"

"Uh--yeah--I'm just gonna teleport these home."

"Only the items,  _ you _ stay," Ivan's voice lowered--much to Alfred's delight--and he gave the other a sweet kiss. "I'll be back, Fedechka."

"Sure dude!" Alfred squeaked, hiding his face in embarrassment until Ivan pulled them off and kissed him again. He watched as Ivan stood and walked into the store, casually tossing the items up in the air with flair and having them appear beside Jackie's futon along with a note that said he might not be home for the night. He wasn't worried, the older states were taking care of her.

###  _ *Inside the store* _

"I would like to buy these." Ivan said, putting the box of condoms on the counter.

The cashier scoffed and scanned it. "Fedechka deserves so much better than  _ you _ ."

"I wouldn't call him that if I were you," An angry and dark aura appeared around Ivan. "I'm pretty sure that I am the one that will be seeing him next to me in the morning, not you."

"Your total is the number on the screen, sure hope you can read," Aleksander glared. "And I know that someday I will lay in bed with him after you are gone. I will beat you,  _ sir _ ."

"I can read," Ivan put the money in Aleksander's stretched out hand. "And we'll see about that. Now I must go, Fedechka is waiting for  _ me _ ."

"Don't be so cocky, sir, I will appear when  _ my  _ dear Fedechka is defenseless and I will take him  _ all night long _ . Maybe  _ longer _ ," Then he smiled fakely. "Thank you for shopping at Aleksander's Convenience Store!"

"Fedechka will never be  _defenceless_. He can fare  _ very well _ for himself," Ivan frowned. "And don't call him Fedechka, you do not have the right. And keep in mind that this is a  _ human being _ we are talking about, not some trophy. Fedechka will  _ never _ be a trophy, he is a  _ person _ ."

"I think he's the  _ most beautiful _ trophy," Aleksander leaned his cheek on his hand and stared out the window, probably at Alfred. "There's just  _ something  _ about him that makes me want to see him  _ writhing _ under  _ my  _ grip whether he likes it  _ or not _ ~ I want to make him feel better than whatever time he has to  _ unfortunately  _ spend with  _ you _ ."

"He's  _ not _ a trophy and he's  _ not _ a toy. He's a  _ human _ and everyone should treat him as such. Everything done to Fedechka should be done with  _ his consent _ , what you are talking of is  _ rape _ . I pity anyone close to you, especially romantically."

"He would be the trophy I kept most polished and sat  _ locked away _ in the bedroom~ dressed either in lingerie or nothing~  _ trained _ to wait for me  _ every day _ ~ I bet he would look good in a dress too~"

"You are a disgrace to Russian and World populations." Ivan wrinkled his nose disgustedly and picked up the box of condoms before heading out. He held back his temper when both he (and probably Aleksander) looked out the window to see Alfred now sitting in the passenger seat, cheeks puffed out with air as he clearly waited.

Ivan sweetly smiled as he sat down in the driver's seat, giving Alfred a kiss.

"You looked like you and Aleksander had a talk. What was it about?"

"He thought that you are merely object to parade around and use. I put stop to that, hopefully."

Alfred frowned at the cashier and then turned his head away from the store, ignoring Aleksander's large hand gestures to come inside.

"That's embarrassing. I kind of want to go smack him now. Multiple times. With a knife," Alfred then stopped his murder plotting and smiled. "So what'd you get?"

Ivan put the box on Alfred's lap. "We go to my house now, да~?"

"Y-yeah." Alfred scratched his neck, internally dying of embarrassment.

###  _ *Three hours later...* _

There were frenzied kisses and touches, loud moans, sweet whispers and gentle but hard thrusts that went deep and seemed to hit every spot that made him scream in pleasure...

_ And thus, I am definitely not a virgin anymore. _ Alfred thought to himself as he lay naked on top of Ivan, his lower back aching like none other but overall he was extremely satisfied.

"You look happy, да?" Ivan brushed the hair out of Alfred's eyes and gave him a sweet kiss. "Was it good?"

Alfred beamed and hugged Ivan. "Yeah, thanks. We could do it again sometime."

"Good." Russia looked pleased with himself and grabbed some massage oil, rubbing it on Alfred's back as the shorter nation lay on top of him.

America turned into jelly on top of Ivan and groaned in contentment as his aching muscles were gently massaged.

"That helps?"

"Mhm."

Ivan's hands travelled further and further down until Alfred made a noise of confusion.

"That's not my back anymore, dude."

"Да, I'm aware."

"O-oh." Alfred didn't quite know how to respond to that, so he just stuffed his face in the crook of Ivan's neck, his face flaming with embarrassment and trying to hide the fact that he was still shy after what had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll be seeing more of Aleksander Fedorov later... *Evil laughter*
> 
> Thank you for reading, lovelies~!


	10. The Phone Call and Television Disasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alfred's children who should be the one to teach the birds and the bees to their dad...

"Jackie just got a note that said that Pops wouldn't be here tonight, so you know what that means!"

"ALL-NIGHTER!"

"I was going to say he might have gotten a date or laid but that works too."

"Ha! Dad, get laid? As if! Grandpa Iggy never taught him a thing about sex!"

"And he never goes out enough to meet someone, for sex or for love or maybe even for both, he's always drowning himself in work."

"But what about Péré? Or Tío Mattie? They are close to him…"

"What if they don't know how clueless he is about sexual intercourse? We've been through Péré and Tío Mattie telling us, so we know about it."

"Besides, we've basically got our own France in this room right now."

Colorado looked up as everyone turned their attention to her, mouth full of food. "Wha'?"

"Hey Danny, could you teach the birds and the bees to パパ?" (Papa)

"No!" Colorado shouted after swallowing. "Get Péré to do that, in normal familes the  _ child _ isn't supposed to teach the  _ parent _ about  _ sex _ !"

"Well we're not normal!" Arizona yelled, jumping onto the dining table. "Come on, Papà needs your help! He's almost three hundred, he should at least try to get laid just  _ once _ ! He might like it or he might be asexual, who knows?"

Colorado sighed and put her bowl in the sink. "Listen, I think you'd be better off asking Tío Mattie. He's close to Papà and is more likely to make it more of a normal ordeal than Péré. Plus, Papà would probably feel more comfortable with the two of them talking about it than his parental figures or his own children."

"That makes sense." Arizona said, then pulled out their phone. "Callin' him now."

_ Ring… _

_ Ri- _

_ "Eh, I was a little busy--Gilbert, I'm on the phone now--is there something wrong?" _

"Speaking of sex…" Arizona started and then shook their head, ignoring the surprised squeak from the other line. "Anyway, we were wondering something…"

_ "What is it? If it involves explosives, that's a no." _

"Gah, Tío! I just wanted to ask… er… could you maybe… uh…"

_ "Atsa, you aren't making much sense right now--eh?! Gilbert! We can continue after I finish!" _

Atsa cleared their throat. "Could you maybe, possibly, by any chance, teach Papà about… er… s-se-sex?"

_ "..." _

"..."

_ "..." _

"..."

_ "What?" _

"Can you teach Papà about sex?!" Arizona yelled with a bright red face. Colorado sarcastically clapped and commented about the 'great bravery that must have taken'.

_ "He doesn't… know… about… sex…?" _

"W-well, I mean, we know he knows what it  _ is _ , kind of… but not really how to, er, do it? Or really anything else about it? Or actually much about romance in general?"

_ "Kesesesese…" _

_ "Gilbert, down."  _ Matthew cleared his throat over the phone. _ "Okay, so you're asking me… to tell my brother… how… to have sex? And be a significant other?" _

"Yeah, that about sums it up!" Arizona squeaked.

_ "Does this include all types of sex and relationships?" _

"He knows next to nothing about human interaction, he stays holed up somewhere doing work almost all of the time if he's not with us."

Matthew sighed, a suffering sigh. _ "I'll do it before the next world meeting, he can't exactly run away then." _

"Th-thank you, Tío!" Arizona said gratefully and then grimaced when they heard a moan from the other line. "Hanging up now, bye! Have fun!"

_ Beeeep! _

"So that's taken care of, now let's watch some TV!"

"I wanna watch horror!"

"Comedy!"

"Horror!"

"Comedy!"

"IMPRACTICAL JOKERS!"

"ANIME!"

"SAO ABRIDGED!"

"HETALIA!"

"HORROR!"

"COMEDY!"

"THE OFFICE!"

"SUPERNATURAL!"

"SOUTH PARK!"

"PARKS AND REC!"

"HORROR!"

"COMEDY!"

"EVERYONE, SHUT UP!"

Everyone quieted down when Gino stood in front of the giant television screen, remote in hand.

"Okay, now that I have your attention: I have decided that we will watch SAO Abridged to start, then Parks and Rec, and just continue choosing. When it gets late, we'll send the youngest off to bed and watch some horror and South Park. Yeah?"   


Some of the youngest grumbled at the last part but everyone agreed.

"Great!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's got a girlfriend~
> 
> I was a lonely pal for so long but now I've got a girlfriend and I am still in such shock that that perfection asked me to be her significant other, I can't-


	11. The Lessons *Cue Thunder*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew And Alfred Talk About The One Time Alfred Had Sex. OR: Matthew Exposes Alfred With Terrible Excuses

"Yo dudes, the hero's here!" America shouted as he entered the meeting room.

Canada inhaled deeply and spun his chair around to face America. "Dearest Brother of mine…"

"And that's it for today, I'm gone."

Most of the nations were confused as Alfred backed away from a strange voice that they thought they had heard before. Suddenly, a person flickered into existence, strangely they had a polar bear clinging onto their leg.

"No, no, stay for awhile. Take a seat," Canada smiled as he grabbed a hold of America's shirt and forcefully sat him down in a chair. "Now, I don't know how else to start this other than shaming England for what he's done to you, you poor thing~!"

"Oi, what are you doing blaming me, you bloody wanker! I don't even know what I supposedly did!"

Alfred just blinked in surprise as Matthew cooed over him, hugging him and petting his hair.

"Poor Alfred, my little brother, I don't know how you lived this long because of Iggy."

France had to drag a screaming England away from Canada.

"I don't know how you managed to hold on, you poor baby."

"What… are you doing?"

Canada stood up straight and pulled out a notebook, winking. "I'm going to teach you about the wonders of sex and love and relationships!" He opened to the first page. "Step one: complete. Step two-"

"I know what sex is, you twat!" Alfred yelled. "I'm not a virgin! And besides, I'm in activist groups like anti-rape and things like that."

Matthew raised an eyebrow. "How many times have you had sex in your entire lifetime?"

"... Once."

Russia choked on his water. Romano looked at him terrified, then at the United States of America, then back at Russia. He repeated this process until his eyes widened and something seemed to hit him straight in the face.

"What gender?"

"As far as I know, male."

"How  _ long  _ ago?"

"A w-week." Alfred shrunk down and stared at his feet, avoiding the gaze of all the countries in the room--most especially Russia.

"You poor innocent thing~!" Matthew screeched and hugged Alfred again. "Don't worry, Big Brother's gonna teach you everything!"

"Why me…" Alfred sighed.

Canada cleared his throat and continued his interrogation. "Have you ever been in a romantic relationship?"

"... Only with my paperwork."

"Have you ever had a crush on someone?"

"On someone I don't know? No thanks. Besides, I don't go out often enough for that."

"Do you go out of your house often?"

"Once or twice a week to go grocery shopping. Sometimes more, sometimes less. And then these meetings."

"Do you have a life  _ outside  _ of paperwork?"

"I have family. I spend time with Barack and Joe."

"Are you Asexual?"

"No. I guess I just would rather know the other person well, like an emotional connection?"

"Are people around you in romantic relationships?"

"You and Gilbert, Iggy and France, Germany and Italy, Alicia and Gino just got engaged two months back, I'm pretty sure Alex has a thing for Nora."

"What  _ did  _ England teach you about sex?"

"What it was and that's how normal children are made. The people in my groups taught me a little more along the way."

"Why wasn't I informed about your lack of sexual knowledge?"

"It's not usually a thing that pops up in  _ normal  _ conversations." Alfred huffed and kicked Matthew's leg while still staring intently at the floor.

"Are you aware of how I found out about your lack of knowledge?"

"I have a fairly good hunch."

"Did you have protected sex?"

"Yes."

"Did it feel good?"

"Yes, after the initial pain."

"Was he a stranger?"

"Hell no. That'd be weird."

"Did you meet him recently? Like within the past decade?"

"No."

"Is he a friend of yours?"

"Yeah…?"

"Was he gentle or rough?"

"G-gentle."

"Did he know you were a virgin?"

"Most likely not."

"How did it start?"

"Apparently a cashier flirted with me."

"What do you mean  _ apparently _ ? Oh wait, is this because you don't really know how to interact with people? Like normal conversations?"

"I guess. I thought the cashier was just being friendly."

"What's your sexual orientation?"

"I guess I'm fine with anyone as long as I know them well."

"What's your biological gender?"

"Intersex--or would it be Andronygus or Hermaphodite? So many labels--Anyway, mostly male outward appearance, male genitals and female reproduction. But you know that because you're the same way, so why are you asking?"

"What do you mean by mostly male outward appearance?"

"My hips and thighs. A little with my face. It's mostly the curves, but those are easily hidden by my jacket and baggy clothing. Oh, and I can hit really high and really low notes when I sing. Also I'm told that my eyes look more feminine in shape, which is some complete BS because eye shape doesn't determine gender. I think they just meant the fact that my eyes are bigger than what is usual. But again, you know this, so why are you asking?"

"Notes and to compare our differences about that. Anyways, do you know your gender identity?"

"Demiflux, demiboy, or Andronygus."

"Did the man you had sex with aware of this?"

"I dunno. Never brought it up."

"Is he aware that you can pop out children?"

"Now he is."

Matthew paused at this, tapping his pen on the page where he was taking notes in deep thought.  _ Now  _ he is.  _ Now _ . That probably meant that the man was in the room. "... Was it a country you had sex with?"

"Er, yeah."

"IS HE IN THIS ROOM NOW?!"

"Maybe, maybe not. I haven't looked around because you've been hugging me and whatnot."

"Look. Now. Is. He. Here?"

America refused to look up from his feet.

"Little brother~ cooperate or else I start snooping again~"

"Again?!"

"Oh yeah, I snooped around before this a few times. A few certain people were extremely helpful."

"I'm gonna kill them." Alfred growled, then ran across the room and dove head-first out the window, only to disappear three seconds before he would hit the ground.

Canada snapped his notebook shut. "I know where he lives, he can't escape me."

\---

Atsa winced as the states heard Alfred screaming out for help, then was overpowered by Matthew yelling louder with education about healthy relationships.

\---

Alfred was traumatized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Mattie, oh, my child... you tried...?
> 
> Pfft-


	12. The Math Homework

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How I Studied For My Algebra Ⅱ Quiz... By Writing An Equation Into A Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized that I accidentally posted Chapter 11 TWICE and Chapter 12 zero times and, uh, yeah, that was a problem -_-

"Help me with my math homework!" A voice shouted as the door slammed open.

Germany shouted questions, asking who the kid was, but was ultimately ignored. He sat down as Italy clung to him.

Alfred blinked awake and blearily stared at the paper slammed in front of him. "Oh joy, Algebra Ⅱ. What do you need help with?"

"Making quadratic equations be a perfect square." The boy sat himself on Alfred's lap and handed him a pencil.

_ x^2+6x+17=0 _

"Okay, so you know that this equation isn't a perfect square. So what you do is take off the last number from this side--remember you have to do it to the other side too. So subtract 17..." Alfred neatly scrawled on the paper to show the child the work. 

_ x^2+6x=-17 _

"Then from there you take b--which is the number with just the x, not the x^2--and use just the number in a separate equation where you divide that in half and then square it."

_ (B/2)^2 _

_ (6/2)=3 _

_ 3^2=9 _

"So you add nine to the equation here--again on both sides so that it's equal."

_ x^2+6x+9=-8 _

"Does your teacher want you to solve it after this?"

"Mhm."

"Alright, so you already know the (x+3)(x+3) factored part because you already used that up here. You can simplify that to (x+3)^2, so we do. Now you want to remove the square from the equation, so you have to square root  _ both _ sides."

_ √((x+3)^2) = √(-8) _

"The square root would cancel out the square here, so now it's just x+3. Now, with negatives and imperfect square roots you just leave them as they are."

_ x+3=√(-8) _

"You want to get x by itself now, so subtract three from  _ both _ sides... you put that on this side as an ending result of a plus/minus because it's a quadratic function..."

_ x=√(-8)±3 _

"Since this is a negative square root here, that means that there are no x-intercepts because that's an unreal number. And that's it!"

"Yayyy~! Thank you so much!"

"No problem, kiddo. How about you try this one on your own?"

"Okay~"

Alfred gave the pencil to the child and leaned back in the chair, falling asleep in a position that told all of the others that he would have a very sore neck when he woke up.

Russia smiled fondly at America as he interacted with the child. America had been avoiding him recently because of Canada's public  _ lessons _ . He would have to change that.

Germany took the moment of silence to start the meeting up again, this time he stayed sitting and held Italy.


	13. The Humans and Their Rights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The One Where I Wish To Punch Anyone Who Misgenders People...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Aleksander, misgendering (slightly)
> 
> Reminders: I love everyone who is not an arse, if your family/friends misgender you I'm here for you because everyone (except for arses) are VALID!!! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥
> 
> I'm trying to write a Percy Jackson fanfic about time travel and the person who time travelled is trying to make Percy less of an idiot and prevent some deaths but I'm only on like chapter five of that *sigh*
> 
> Ah, and there's also the Voltron fanfic and my other Hetalia fanfics, all over ten chapters each, I believe... aggghhhhhhhh! I love writing but I can't exactly just,,, /put/ my thoughts on page because it just ends up blegh, so when I go back like ten minutes later I'm all like "What the hecc is this?!"
> 
> Oof rant over, I swear-
> 
> But for now:
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"Hey Mr. Jones, you're up."

Alfred stopped messing with his hair and looked at the woman, mouth still packed full of three packs worth of gum.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"ALFRED I SWEAR TO GOD-"

Alfred screamed, but that was muffled by the gum in his mouth. He was chased onto the stage and the audience laughed.

Alfred spat out the gum sadly and said, "Don't worry, that gum was  _ way  _ past expired and was stale so it had next to no taste. We were doing an experiment back there and, well, it turns out that I can fit three entire packs of gum in my mouth."

He paused as the audience laughed again.

"Now that I have embarrassed myself on television, I might as well introduce myself," He picked up the hem of his skirt and bowed while doing a courtesy. "Hello, my name is Alfred F. Jones and I'll be talking to you about LGBTQIA+ today."

He took a seat on the stool in the centre of the stage. "I guess some background information on me would do for now. I am biologically and socially abnormal with society's standards--I have a penis on the outside but inside of me I have a womb. You know, kid carrying spectacles. My entire body is kind of a mix of stereotypical feminine and masculine features, like my broad shoulders and my curves. On top of that, I don't give one flying fuck about gendered clothes. I mean, has a dress ever spoken to you and told you that it's feminine? No? If it  _ has _ , go see a doctor because 1: clothes shouldn't talk; and 2: your mind is messed up if that's what you really think. Besides, back in the olden days, all young children wore dresses so everything about that now is just even more BS on top of BS. One of our best presidents, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, wore a dress in his youth at least for a small portion. Mm, he's a great guy."

"Now, my family," Alfred clicked his clicker thing and changed slides to show a picture of all the states, Confederacy, Canada, Kumajirou, England, France, him, the provinces, and Sealand. Heck, even Prussia was there in the very back, hanging upside down from a tree with Sealand holding onto his hands and dangling mid-air. "Okay, now remember every single one of us in the exact position we're in because there's a pop quiz. Moving on!"

A few people shrieked. Alfred laughed and waved his hand. "I'm kidding ya," He turned on his stool so that he could point the pointer laser at the screen. "I'll start with the most normal of us: my big brother Matthew Williams. Yes, that is a live polar bear he's holding. No, we're not exactly sure where Kuma came from. Anyway, Mattie is like me, internal womb and yada yada."

"Fun fact: he's the one who taught me about sex a week  _ after _ I lost my virginity. He chased me to my house and explained everything that there must be known about sex, including something about our hair curls--er,  _ anyway _ , this was a month ago. I know you meant well, Mattie, but you didn't have to do that while we were in a meeting."

America smoothly went through the rest of the presentation, highlighting some other members of his family, talking about why gender roles were BS, explaining his own gender questioning, and finally ended the entire show with an announcement about how him and the other speakers were going to be mingling with the crowd.

Alfred sighed and went into the back, telling the others that he was done and all of them were to go out now.

He stepped into the crowd and was stopped by several people that complimented his speech or his attire or asked him about something.

"Fedechka, I wish I could've given you my number at store~"

Alfred tensed and turned. He put on a fake smile. "H-hey dude. What are you doing in America?"

Aleksander smiled and got closer to Alfred. "I wanted to see what your home country was like~ I'm surprised I ran into you here, Fedechka~"

"A-ah, yeah. What do you think of America so far?" Alfred subtly scooched a little bit away from the cashier.

"It's pretty, just like you~"

_ What do I say?! _

"Uh, Mx. Alfred Sir!" A small child tugged on his skirt.

He blinked and sighed in relief. "Yes, little one?" He asked as he crouched down to look the child in the eyes.

"May I put a rainbow on your face?!"

Alfred shrugged. "Sure thing, kiddo." He plopped on the ground and let the boy finger paint a rainbow on his cheek.

After the boy was done, he kissed Alfred's non-painted cheek and happily skipped off. Alfred stood and smoothed out his skirt.

"Your skirt is very pretty, Fedechka. And you're a very pretty woman~"

"Hm? Oh, er, thanks. But please refer to me with he/him and as a person, not as a woman, girl… or, y'know, an object…" Alfred rubbed his arm self-consciously and looked down at his feet.

"Hey girl, I was wondering if that stupid-"

"Fedechka, let's go out to eat." Ivan stepped in-- _ why was he even here? When did he get here? _ \--and wrapped an arm around Alfred's shoulders. "Дa?"

_ Hmmm… awkward talk with the personification of Russia, make a terrible excuse and maybe be able to walk away, or spend time with a creepy dude that's not trying to use or even acknowledging my correct pronouns? _ Alfred decided that he would feel better walking out next to Ivan than going alone or staying with Aleksander. "Sure."

Ivan led the way away and Alfred followed after saying an awkward bye to Aleksander. "So, uh, where are we going?"

"I don't know, do you know any good restaurants around here?" Ivan paused. "It  _ is _ your country, after all. Just nothing too greasy."

Alfred thought for a moment and then brightened up. "There's a place called Trattoria Stella here in Traverse City that serves Italian food! I've heard they have really good desserts too! Wanna go?"

"Lead the way, Fedechka."

"Yay~!"

"Oh how pretty~ this one is definitely a good catch~ we just have to dispose of that  _ stupid  _ scarf-wearing girl snatcher~! Oh, Fedechka, soon you'll be  _ completely docile _ below  _ my  _ hands and  _ I _ will take you over and over again whether you like it or not~!"

Alfred paused his steps, tearing his gaze away from Ivan's face and looking around.

"Is something wrong, Fedechka?"

"Hm? No, I just thought I heard something. It's nothing, dude! Now, what was that about your country's restaurants?"

Ivan grabbed Alfred's hand and tangled their fingers together. "In Russia, most important meal of day is dinner so restaurants..."

\---

"So…" Ivan started, causing Alfred to tense up. "Hey, I just wanted to ask if you still want me to refer to you with he/him pronouns or if you go by something else."

Alfred gaped for a moment before leaping and clinging on Russia. His hug was returned and he grinned up at Ivan. "He/him is good, thank you so much!"

"I am just respecting you like human, why…?"

"Oh…" Alfred pouted and turned crestfallen, averting his gaze. "Well, Aleksander called me a woman even though I asked very blatantly for him to not…"

"That's not nice." Ivan stated and brought Alfred's hand up to kiss the back of it.

Alfred smiled and laughed, putting their palms together and twining their fingers together.

"My place?" Ivan suggested, a twinkle in his eyes.

"Why of course, my good sir," Alfred paused, thinking over something. "... We're cuddling after, right?"

"I wouldn't have it another way, Fedechka."

\---

Their evening was full of smiles, cuddles, laughter, and, lastly, passion.

When Ivan blinked out of his bliss, he noticed Alfred slumping downward.

"Fedechka?"

"Yá'--yá'át'... ééh," Alfred panted out, his glazed-over eyes watching as Ivan cleaned him up and laid him down in the bed, wrapping him in a clean blanket. He leaned his head onto Ivan's shoulder and kissed his neck. "S-sidoh."

"I am not aware of what you are saying, Fedechka."

Alfred merely hummed, feeling his eyes close. Thirty seconds later, he completely relaxed again, asleep.

"... Fedechka?" Ivan asked when he felt Alfred go limp. "Ah, sleep. Must have tired him out," He brushed the sweaty hair out of his bed partner's face. "Wonder what language Fedechka was speaking? He does it other times too, like first language or preferred language."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, I DID say that Aleksander was going to be in the story... oh, just you wait :D :D :D
> 
> ༼˵⊙︿⊙˵༽
> 
> Also, me trying to write a million fanfics and original works be all like:  
> ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
> 
> ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽
> 
> (/ﾟДﾟ)/


	14. The Talk - Alfred F. Jones's Point of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING: ¡Talks about rape and has an attempted rape scene!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Thinks about updating  
> Me:  
> Me:  
> Me:  
> Me, a million years later: Should I update now? Or,,, nah?

_ AGAIN: **Talks about rape and has an attempted rape scene*** _

"Thankfully, none of my family has been raped and I hope it stays that way," Alfred said, moving to the center of the stage again. "Some of you then might ask: why I am doing this, why am I fighting for rapists to be given heavier sentences, maybe if this is to gain publicity or something. I'm sorry, news reporters and whoever else is here, but I just care about the fact that so many people have had sexual assault acts done against them and they feel like they can't speak out."

"When they do, they are the ones blamed for the assault, for example, 'well you were wearing such and such and so the perpetrator couldn't have possibly minded their own business and respected you and so it's your fault they touched you even when you didn't want them to'. Or maybe if you are drunk or drugged, you're blamed for not being prepared for something to happen and that you surely  _ wanted _ them to do it to you as you couldn't say no," Alfred sighed and shook his head. "And if you're not a cis-woman, it can get even worse by saying that you couldn't have possibly been raped, it's impossible for anyone other than a cis woman to be raped. Or maybe they pass it off as a joke or just rough housing."

"My point is: I want people to be able to put the other people that touched them even when they said no in jail. I want people to feel safe walking down the street in whatever clothes they wish, er, minus some people that think that they can go around in public naked… Save that for nudist camps or your bedroom, please."

\---

"Thank you all for coming out and listening to me, I wish you all good luck and I hope that you all are safe!"

Alfred bowed and walked off the stage.

"Some water, Fedechka?"

"Yeah, thanks Iv-" Alfred paused, realizing that the voice was not Ivan's, turned and stopped short.  _ Fuuuccckkk, not him! _ "Er, hello Aleksander. You're still in America, what a surprise…!"

Aleksander smiled and put the water bottle in Alfred's hand. "Да, I absolutely adore your country. Take a drink, you must be  _ very thirsty _ from talking so much."

"Sure…" Alfred said and opened the water bottle, taking a drink. When it didn't taste strange, he drank a little more.

Aleksander took the liberty of ogling at Alfred as he drank. "That's a very lovely skirt you've got there, Fedechka."

"Ah, thanks."

"Let me show you something over there." Aleksander nudged Alfred towards a forest, and for a reason called being socially awkward and kind of terrified so not really being able to deny, Alfred complied.

Alfred shook his head to try to clear it.  _ Why is the world blurring? _ Aleksander kept pushing him, rougher now that Alfred wasn't putting up a fight. He felt like he just  _ couldn't _ .

Suddenly Alfred was tripped backwards by a foot behind him. He yelped in terror and was caught just before he hit the ground.

"Ah, I saved a damsel in distress," Aleksander chuckled and brought his face closer and closer to Alfred's, who was trying to squirm out of his grip. "You'll make a very wonderful wife~"

"Not cool, dude! Please l-let go!" He cursed very colourfully in Navajo, Spanish and other languages that popped into his head. He couldn't teleport, that would take Aleksander with him and destroy the purpose of getting away from him. Besides, he couldn't possibly be  _ that _ far from the crowd, right? Someone was bound to notice the problem soon.  _ Right? _

"Let's go somewhere~ to my hotel~ I'll be a good master~ and you'll agree no matter what~"

_ Alright. No one is going to save me but myself. I'm not a normal damsel in distress, I can save myself! I've done it before, I can do it again! _

Alfred was trying to dig his heels into the ground so that his super strength could stop their tracks, but Aleksander was taller than him and was holding him so that he wasn't anywhere close to the ground. His squirming didn't work, nor when he weakly pushed on the other's arms. He panicked when he noticed the edges of his vision were fading to black.

_ No. I have to go now! If I teleport I'll take him with me but someone can take care of that! _

Alfred tried to teleport.

Nothing happened except for him becoming more exhausted.

_ I must be drugged. Date rapes? _ Alfred continued trying to fight, but instead his body started relaxing against his will.  _ No, no! Come on! Stop! _

Someone snickered.

_ Was that Aleksander? _

He was put down on a hard floor.

_ When did we enter a building? _

He flinched the tiniest bit when multiple pairs of hands were put all over his body.

"No…" He managed to whisper.  _ Dammit, the amount of drugs is just right! Do people know that we're nations?! The amount of drugs to drug us nations must be fatal amounts to humans! Or is it because we nations have human bodies that we are affected by the drug effects like normal humans are?! I mean, it's that way with alcohol. _ "N-n-n… o…"

"Don't struggle Darling~"

"We'll make you feel very nice~"

"Leave enough for me, boys, she's my find after all."

"Damn, when you said it would look nice in a dress you weren't kidding~ sure, it's not a full dress but still~"

"I should invest in a maid outfit~ make her bow down real low to her master~"

The hands were put on him again, lifting his skirt, trailing up his legs, unbuttoning his button-up shirt. When someone touched the worst part of it all, he whimpered in fear and tried harder to struggle away.

"Wow, still putting up a fight?"

"I-I-v-an-"

Suddenly his face was slapped full force, causing his glasses to fall off and clink to the floor.

"Don't you dare speak that name, whore! I bet that's the man I was always destined to beat!"

"Iv-a-n!" Alfred called out with the last bits of his strength, causing him to slump more and more downward. As the name left his lips, a light seemed to shine somewhere at the door but it left, just like Alfred's hope.

The hands on him turned even rougher now that he couldn't put up more of a fight.

Alfred didn't really remember when the door slammed open or when the screams started, but he remembered seeing Ivan through his hazed vision when he was picked up.

He remembered his clothes being put back on him gently as he fought to keep his eyes open.

Alfred remembered the faint sound of gentle words as he was taken to his own home--at first he didn't know how Ivan knew where it was but then realized he had a slip of paper in his pocket with the house phone number on it and that Ivan had probably called, told them what had happened, and then asked where it was. It was probably Gino that had picked up, since he gave the location to Ivan.

He remembered the slight chill in the air being abated when a coat was draped over his limp body.

He didn't really remember the car ride other than the fact that Ivan talked to him through it--not that Alfred could make out what he was saying, he was too out of it--and then suddenly he was being carried again and a door was opened, then there were loud cries.

The cries of his children.

Had  _ he  _ done this?

Had  _ he  _ made them distressed?

He… must be such a terrible parent. There were certainly times where he had failed his children, but right now was probably the worst let-down he had ever done.

The only distinct voice that he could put a probable label on was Ivan asking where his bedroom was.

Alfred wasn't quite sure when he was laid on his futon, but he did remember looking at the vague shape of Ivan tiredly and hazily. The blurry but gentle face of Ivan appeared to be distressed… maybe sad or worried, he couldn't really tell…

Was Ivan sitting on the floor? Beside the futon?

Why wasn't he joining him on the bed? Was it messy? Did it not look warm enough? Or did it look too warm?

Alfred tried speaking to Ivan, but he couldn't seem to be able to open his mouth or even process his thoughts enough to even convey something. Instead he weakly put his hand into Ivan's.

"You should sleep, Fedechka. I'll be here waiting for you to be better again."

Alfred weakly smiled and finally closed his eyes, feeling mostly safe once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I love you guys :)
> 
> (I told y'all that Aleksander would be here again ;-;)
> 
> Also, I'm plotting the preggo Alfred [not going to become the main plot of the story, don't worry! Just going to be a few funny scenes and such] and I feel so *evil*, like, I have so many ideas and hhhhhh (╭☞のᴥの)╭☞
> 
> And the futons are because they are SO COMFY AND COMPACTABLE LIKE DO Y'ALL U N D E R S T A N D ME-


	15. The Talk - Ivan Braginski's Point of View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all :3
> 
> ALSO;;;;; I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO CHANGE MY TITLE ON AO3 AND I LAUGHED SO HARD WHAT THE HECC MAN HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME THIS BEFORE- So, yeah, you can check it out because it's awesome and I might keep it for a while~ ^.^
> 
> Fluff to help the angst, my darling children~ :)

Ivan walked around the town that Alfred had dropped him off in. He wanted to relax for a while by himself before being able to take Fedechka home and cuddle.

He furrowed his brows and thought of his poor Fedechka throwing up often in the mornings. Not every day, but it was definitely more than once a week. It scared him, was Alfred getting sick? Maybe. Maybe he'll take Alfred's temperature when they get home.

\---

Ivan looked up in confusion as he saw a little ball of light hover near the doorway. He stood from his seat and after paying for his coffee he followed it for some reason. He felt like it was just  _ urgent _ .

The ball of light went off through the streets and ended up near a forest.

"Why am I following you?" Ivan asked and poked the ball of light. It, of course, did not respond; instead images flashed of Fedechka being held down by Aleksander and some strangers… Fedechka completely limp and defenseless… The worst of it all was the vacant expression on Fedechka's face and the tears-- _ oh, the tears _ \--that trickled down his face as he was touched. He twitched from time to time, but the body responses were getting farther and farther apart.

"Go faster, light!" Ivan ordered, hand already on his gun. He was going to commit a few murders. "Oh, Fedechka, what did they do to you…?"

He knew that Fedechka wouldn't be left defenceless unless something was done to his body. He knew that Fedechka had super strength, he could knock out every single one of those people easily. Probably in just one punch, too. Fedechka wasn't a  _ damsel in distress _ , he would usually be able to defend himself just fine. It just seemed that this time Ivan would have to help a little. Surely Fedechka would be back up in an instant, spitting mad and fighting. If not, he would look after him until he was able to.

The light dissipated in front of an abandoned storage house after booping Ivan on the nose.

Ivan took out his gun and his eye twitched when he heard laughter from inside.

He  _ was _ going to be nice and shoot them after a  _ little  _ torture.

That was until he heard the insults thrown at Fedechka.  _ Whore, slut, prostitute, good for nothing,  _ oh the list goes on and on and  _ on. _

To be honest, he blanked out for a moment.

He vaguely remembered some screams.

When he came back to reality, the people were somehow tied to the ceiling with everything but the door locked tight.

"Oh, Fedechka…" He whispered as he crouched down next to Alfred. "You would like to be at your home, дa? It's okay, I'll take you there."

Ivan carefully gathered Alfred up in his arms and gently put his clothes back on. Fedechka seemed to be looking at him with his hazy eyes, but he couldn't quite tell.

A piece of paper fell out of Fedechka's pocket and Ivan picked it up. It had a phone number on it. "Might as well see… If not, I'll call Matvey."

_ Ring… _

_ R- _

_ "Jones residence, which of the little shits is in trouble?" _

"Gino?"

_ "... Mr. Braginski? Is everything alright, you don't sound too good." _

"Well, Fedechka is kind of drugged right now by mean people… somehow I got them on ceiling," Ivan looked up and stuck out his tongue when he saw Aleksander stir. "I was wondering where house is so that Fedechka can be at his home."

_ "You know where the White House is, right?" _

"Дa, of course."

_ "Go there and go two doors down to 7015 Pennsylvania Avenue." _

"I'll be there as soon as possible."

_ "We'll call Tí--er, the doctor." _

"Thank you."

Ivan put his phone away and carried Fedechka to the door. He walked over to where his car was but noticed that it was chilly.

Fedechka didn't like the cold unless it was Christmas.

He shrugged off his coat and tucked it around Fedechka.

Soon enough, he buckled Alfred in the passenger's seat and looked at him concerned.

"Fedechka, I'm here," Ivan said as calmly as he could when he climbed into the driver's seat. "We're going to go to your house, дa? You'll go to bed and wake up tomorrow just fine."

Alfred, of course, did not respond. His head was leaned against the window and his eyes were half-closed. Every time Ivan looked over, he thought that Alfred had closed his eyes and fallen asleep already; yet they were open just the tiniest bit.

"... one of shows I like to watch has some songs," Ivan kept talking, unsure if Fedechka could actually hear him. But he didn't want Fedechka to feel alone and he didn't want to touch him more than he had to without his consent. "Would you call that musical?"

Ivan pulled into the driveway of the house that housed a lot of bicycles and only one car. He didn't waste any time, picking Alfred up and taking him inside.

He was fairly sure that Amerika had children. There were plenty of clues--the child that fell ill; the children that brought things for Alfred and called him around meeting times; Gino talking about his father that seemed so much like Alfred; Alfred occasionally snuggling up to Ivan and whispering some comforting things in his sleep in that strange language of his, exactly like a parent would to their child; Fedechka making quiet comments when China was bemoaning about the lack of children and how he wished he could have more, especially when Alfred had that rant about how much labour actually hurt; and so many more little things.

_ He wasn't expecting this many children. _

"Mr. Braginski!" Gino shouted and ran up to them. The other children were crowding around, trying to ask Alfred if he was okay or to see if he was sleeping or anything. Gino stood in front of the two and blocked most of them away. "Stop crowding please! How is he? Pops?"

"Papà!" A child cried out, trying to escape Gino's hold and touch Alfred.

Gino kissed their forehead and whispered, "Hey, hey, don't cry, Pa's strong, he'll be fine. Shh, i-it's gonna be okay." His voice broke and he shut his eyes tightly.

"I don't know. Where is bedroom?"

"Go down that hall and stop when you see the door with the multitude of world flags on it. It also has little stickers of cats."

"Many thanks!" Ivan managed to give a weak smile. He looked down where Alfred was tugging on Ivan's scarf, barely able to move. "Fedechka, you're home now. It's okay. Ah, and there is bedroom! You can sleep in your bed! Ah, wait, no, I think that's Japanese-style futon!"

Alfred seemed to direct his gaze at Ivan as he was tucked in. Ivan sat on the floor next to the futon, not wanting to climb into bed while Fedechka wasn't able to deny him. Alfred seemed to be trying to do something then managed to, after much effort, fit his hand into Ivan's.

"You should sleep, Fedechka. I'll be here waiting for you to be better again."

Fedechka weakly smiled--it was hardly there--and finally closed his eyes.

"I'll keep you safe until you can yourself, дa? And I'll stay by you." Ivan made himself comfortable in that chair, producing a book from his bag with his free hand. He was going to make sure that Fedechka didn't wake up alone through the night, he would wait and retrieve things for him until he could himself.

Remembering the time that Fedechka said that he liked people reading to him because it relaxed him, Ivan started reading aloud in a quiet voice. It was in Russian, but that surely didn't matter as long as it was just something for Alfred to listen to? Besides, his darling spoke Russian when he visited Ivan's house and wanted to get something from the store or something.

"Даже 100 сердец будет слишком мало чтобы выразить всю мою любовь к тебя," (A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you.) Ivan read from the book, tightening his grip on Alfred's hand. "Слова не могут описать мою любовь к тебе. Любовь, это просто любовь. Её никогда нельзя объяснить." (Words can’t describe my love for you. Love is just love. It can never be explained.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact One: At first I had the Jones's residence at 696969 Meadow Lanes, but caught it just before I posted this chapter and changed it to comply with later chapters.
> 
> Fun Fact Two: I am currently writing Chapter 30!!! Can you believe it~?!
> 
> Fun Fact Three: I am putting Alfred through so much,,, like, after Chapter 26 it all just gets worse and worse for Alfred [Pregnancy symptoms, money problems, etc., etc., don't want to spoil too much... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hehehehe]
> 
> Fun Fact Four: I currently have seven ヘタリア fanfics going on right now... but me, being stupid AF, just started an eighth based on people (very loosely based off of me and my friends, like our personalities and that's it) being teleported into the world of Hetalia and I just ;-;
> 
> What did I get myself into...
> 
> Fun Fact Five: I have more WIP (Work In Progress) fanfics with other fandoms too! For example, Harry Potter, Hamilton, Voltron, and OHSHC (Ouran High School Host Club), to name a few... but they may never see the light of day because I'm embarrassed about my writing... (It sucks guys!)
> 
> Fun Fact Six: I'm working on getting this story translated into Vietnamese, German, Spanish, and Japanese (The four languages I'm mainly learning)! If I ever finish those before the US government kills us all, I can also try to translate them into Simplified and Traditional Chinese, Italian, and French as well as a few more (I am a language enthusiast...)! If any of you can offer tips or maybe even help by checking over my translations in any of the above languages (or anything else, that would be appreciated!), let me know!


	16. The Not-So-Great, Very Bad, Terrible, Horrible, Yike-Yike and All of Those Other Synonyms Week For Alfred F. Jones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred wants to aliven't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof guess who just broke up with their girlfriend, kinda? Yeah, me and her broke up but like,,, we'll still be doing the same things like calling each other nicknames and stuff-
> 
> We talked it through and came to a conclusion, I thought that she should find someone who's more outgoing and everything and she agreed and luckily she agreed to still be, like, chill after this so it's all fine, I guess? But I also feel terrible because I can't be that person even though I love her I guess we just don't fit together romantically? I mean, we both enjoyed the relationship and everything but depression is an absolute biotch and I keep doubting myself so I think I should try to better myself before trying to be in another relationship (maybe back together with my Darling but maybe not)... I'm just glad that she has a chance of finding someone that will make her really happy! :D

When Alfred woke up, he was violently shivering and had a massive headache. He also felt way too nauseous for his own liking. Ugh. He didn't even attempt to sit up and just groaned--but even that hurt.

"Papalapa, isn't this magical exhaustion?"

Alfred made an maybe-so noise to try to tell his explanation.

He knew what this was. It was the magical part of him  _ trying  _ to be helpful and repair his physical body but the magic itself had been repressed with the drugs. He had had this reaction once when taking his first antidepressants, there was an ingredient that did not react well. There were a few others when he had just not taken care of himself well, but those times did not act up as much as the first and this one.

If he remembered correctly, it would be increasingly painful the first three or so days and then peak on the next--he would probably know when that happened, since everything would hurt, whether it be breathing, coughing, opening his eyes, or light--and then there would be sweet release as his magic repaired itself again. But even then there would still be fluctuations for the next few  _ weeks _ .

"Iv-Iva… an?" Alfred cringed with the pain his throat and body caused him when he said it.

"I'm here, Fedechka. Like I promised. Go to sleep, you'll feel better later."

_ No I won't be better! _ Alfred wanted to scream--oh, how he wanted to--instead he found his eyes closing, already having exhausted himself from the effort it took to make noise and speak.

The first day was spent with him drifting in and out of consciousness. He remembered throwing up once… or was it twice? Odd, he didn't usually throw up from magical exhaustion. He remembered the worried faces of his family at some point, but he couldn't really speak to them. His throat hurt too much. Alfred remembered crying while trying to speak to them out loud because his throat caused him that much pain, eventually reverting to ASL which Matthew had to translate--which was hard because Alfred's hands were shaking so much.

By the second day he was in even more pain, writhing around and whimpering. He was more awake because of all of the pain, which only made things worse. He weakly told Ivan that this wasn't the worst it would get after managing to get some water down, tugging on his scarf and shaking his head, tears in his eyes, with bolts of pain shooting all around his body as if to prove his point. His family came to visit again and he tried to convince them to go home and take his kids with them. Alfred didn't want them there when he completely broke, he didn't want them to hear him or see him.

Sometime during the night Alfred woke with a blood-curdling scream. But then he hurt more from screaming.  _ Everything  _ seemed to be trying to either implode or explode and he tried to get away from it but that just caused him more pain. Ivan had bolted up from his relaxed position (reading a book aloud) and tried to soothe him, but he just cried and panted harshly between screams. England, France, and Canada were there beside him at some point. Not at the same time, they were probably trying to keep the children calm. He couldn't really remember a lot other than them trying to calm him down.

_ Was this the worst part? _ He thought as another wave of pain shot through him and he screamed again. His throat was drier than a desert, even when he had water it did not help. Tears dribbled down his face and he tried squirming out of the hands holding his body to the bed, trying to get away,  _ get away _ ,  _ get away _ from the pain consuming every last part of him. Canada grabbed the hand that Ivan wasn't holding and spoke softly to him.

He was wrong.

It  _ wasn't _ the worst of it.

On the fourth day, he was told that his temperature had risen to almost lethal levels for a nation. He barely heard the quiet talking, everything was ringing in his ears, everything was pain, everything was blurred to the point where they weren't even objects or people anymore.

Then the nations' doctor was there.

Why?

How?

_ When? _

Alfred could barely make it out when the doctor said he had been travelling for three days before he screamed in pain again. A slew of foreign languages spat out of his mouth, only causing him more pain, until he reverted back to Navajo--his go-to language when in extreme distress.

"Hey, Alfred, old buddy chum buddy chummy chum chum buddy pal, y'all don't look that great. Pregnant again?" The doctor leaned over and prodded Alfred, speaking in a much louder voice so that Alfred could hear him.

"Awééchí'í." ({You} Newborn baby) Alfred insulted weakly, then screamed again. When the wave of pain was subsiding, he managed to pant, "Hó-hóyéé'." (Th-this is dreadful.)

"I know, Alfred, I know. Do you know what's wrong or do I have to find out myself? Your symptoms?"

"Diniih--Nevigai." (Pain--Severe pain.)

"Well you aren't being much help, we can tell you're in pain. Where?"

"Ats'íís." (My whole body) Alfred said, then let out a whimper. "Oot’į́… Ayol, ayih. Ugh… tsiits'iin diniih." (Vision/Seeing… breathing, breathing. Ugh… headache)

"Can someone turn off the light? Al, it's the magical sickness, isn't it?"

"A-aoo'." Alfred clenched the blanket covering him and bit the pillow, trying to abate the scream. (Y-yes.)

"What day are you on?"

Ivan noticed Alfred fail to speak and spoke in his stead. "Fedechka is on fourth."

"Shit, Alfred!" The doctor gently pushed Alfred flat onto the futon and sighed. "There isn't that much I can do, y'all know that. I'm sorry. Is he already on painkillers?"

"Дa. As much as possible."

"Then there's nothing I can do now. Mr. Ivan, y'all can stay here by his side. He always feels better when he has someone to cry on. Al, I'm going to go make food before ya pass out."

Alfred let out a pained groan. His body let out an involuntary twitch and he whimpered.

The blankets shifted and Ivan's worried face was looking at him. "You are not well, Fedechka. What did bad people do to you?"

"Nizhóní…" (You're nice…) Alfred whispered, not hearing himself, as he stared at Ivan and raised his hand to wipe a tear from Ivan's cheek. He flinched from pain and bit his pillow but still shakily followed through with his action. "Y-yicha?" (Why are you crying?)

"Are you worrying about me right now? It is me that should be worrying over you, Fedechka."

Alfred tensed and cried out in pain, tears escaping his eyes as it didn't let up.

"I'm here, Fedechka, I'm here for you," Ivan soothed and grabbed Alfred's hand, which was clenching and unclenching. "See? I'll still be here."

"Ahé--Ahéhee'." (Th-thank you.)

"I… really don't know what language that is. You've spoken it before when we, uh, yeah."

Alfred managed a tiny smile, despite his body seemingly trying to tear itself apart. "Diné B-Bizaad." (Na-Navajo.)

"As much as I know how happy Alfred is, I can tell that he hurts a lot more when he's talking."

"Hey, li'--íítʼiʼ." (You wish.)

"No need to be a smartass."

Alfred let out a weak laugh before groaning at the pain it caused.

"Open it up, bitch."

"Mm?"

"Azéé'," (Mouth,) The doctor leaned in close with the spoon. "Now open. You haven't eaten in a while."

Alfred opened his mouth and was spoon-fed some soup. He swallowed, grimacing at the pain every little movement caused him and clutching tighter onto Ivan's hand. Ivan hugged him as soon as he got permission to and soothed him whenever he cried out with a new wave of pain. The waves were getting closer and closer together, soon close enough that Alfred barely got to breathe, never mind eat, from all the screaming and crying and pure  _ pain _ .

"Alright," The doctor put the bowl down on the floor. "Now that you're fed 'n' shit, I think it's time for the best part. For me, at least."

"Aoo'... dit'-dit'óódí." (Yes… g-gently.) Alfred nodded, preparing himself with a grimace.

The doctor prodded a specific point on his body, continuing the pressure even as Alfred screamed until Alfred quieted and fell completely limp onto Ivan.

"What did you do?! Fedechka?!"

"It only gets worse from here. The first time this happened he went through it without passing out somehow, the second time he asked me to knock him out, and this time I managed to do it without causing him too much harm. I've had experience. He'll be fine when he wakes up, the worst should pass while he's out."

Ivan nodded after a moment and relaxed, lying Alfred down in the futon and gently covering him with a light-weight blanket. Even while knocked out, Alfred's body would twitch occasionally. He had curled up into a ball unconsciously, one hand resting on the bed beneath his head and one lying on his stomach.

"Now, Mr. Ivan, I am very  _ curious _ as to what is happening between you and Al over here." The doctor pulled out a teapot and served both of them some tea. "Do tell."

"Fedechka and I are…" Ivan paused, wondering what to say. "Close."

"Obviously. What happened to cause this?" The doctor gestured towards Alfred, who was still grimacing in his sleep with a fever-flushed face.

Ivan frowned deeply. "Nasty people. I locked them in storage house… but children here asked where it was night before yesterday."

"Oh! These nasty people wouldn't happen to be in league with, er, Aleksander?"

"Да, and monster himself."

"Al called me about a week ago and told me about the creepy dude who keeps following 'im around and not acknowledging his proper pronouns just 'cause he was wearin' a skirt or somethin' like that. He also called him some very...  _ creative _ names, but I won't get into that." The blond man laughed, throwing his head back, his straw sun hat shifting with the movement. "Tell me more about yourself, Mr. Ivan. I hardly ever see ya outside the yearly appointments."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me writing Alfred: hehehehehe... how much pain can I put him in? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *pets cats*


	17. The Wrath of Americans and Canadians… And a Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is angry and Alfred is passed out, so of course they have to murder!
> 
> OR:
> 
> Don't leave Prussia in charge of children...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song that inspired literally this entire chapter:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jy6AOGRsR80 - Battle Hymn of the Republic
> 
> Sorry for taking so long for updating, my children!

"Pa's sleeping," Gino said with a sigh. The children were all waiting nervously in the dining room, all having come out of their rooms after the screams had started. Most of them were in their pyjamas, as it was two in the morning. "Mr. Braginski gave me some useful information and Tío's taking care of Papá."

"Gin, are we going to murder someone?"

"Ali, you can stay here if you want. I'll respect your choice no matter what and won't blame you. You can stay here with Mr. Braginski," Gino brushed back the hair of his fiancée. "But you have to understand that I have to go do this… Alicia, I saw Pa  _ cry _ . He was  _ screaming  _ and  _ crying  _ and  _ begging for help _ until he wore himself out."

"Gino, I sharpened my knives. I'm helping--110%. It's  _ you  _ I'm worried about, will you be able to handle it?"

"I think I will, for Pa."

The youngest children were painting small, barely noticeable from afar, American flags on the elder's faces, declaring that it was fitting that it was to be their 'war paint'. The present Matthews looked at each other, unanimously deciding that they were going to go--minus Luna (Nunavut) and Romilda (Yukon), as Romilda was still heading from her time with her abusive guardians and didn't want to witness any violence at the moment, and Luna, who was faithfully keeping her sister and friend company--and painted American flags like the Jones children were.

"As the adult in charge here, I really should say that you shouldn't murder someone…" Prussia tapped his chin with his finger and smiled. "But the awesome me says to go all out! Just don't get caught! I'll stay here with mein awesome little birdie und the others! Oh, und don't get blood stains on your clothes."

\---

Low-pitched whistle.

High-pitched whistle.

Arizona raised their foot and stomped on the roof of the storage warehouse, letting out the two whistles again. They grinned as they heard the frightened yelps of the three or four people inside.

Suddenly the door burst open, coming off its hinges. Most of the states and provinces invaded the warehouse. Screams started up but Arizona paid no mind to them, tapping their foot in beat and humming the starting tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic.

"Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;

He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;

He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;

His truth is marching on~!"

When Arizona started singing, people in the town so near to the warehouse woke and went to their windows to hear the beautiful singing better.

Virginia and Alicia trapped the four inside when they tried running. Ontario and Québec, getting along perfectly for once, frightened two of the culprits so much that they peed their pants.

"Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His truth is marching on~!"

One dead.

"I have seen Him in the watch-fires of a hundred circling camps;

They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;

I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps,

His truth is marching on~!"

Two dead.

"Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His truth is marching on~!"

Three dead. Aleksander was shouting at the states and provinces to stop and go away. They kept advancing.

"This is what you get for making our Pa, the personification of the United States of America, cry."

"In the beauty of the lilies,

Christ was born across the sea~,

With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me~;

As He died to make men holy, LET US DIE TO MAKE MEN FREE!

While God is marching on!"

"You also upset Mr. Ivan Braginski, personification of Russia. He's really sweet and you made him  _ really  _ angry. You must be blessed, if only for the fact that he stayed by Dad's side while Dad is suffering and not coming out here with us, Dad is screaming and crying from the pain of the drug's effects on his magic. Any last words? Apologies?"

"Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His truth is marching on!"

"I don't regret touching that woman,  _ my  _ Fedechka. It was a  _ shame  _ I didn't get to completely make her  _ mine _ ." Aleksander spat on Virginia's face, as he was the closest to him.

"GLORY! GLORY! HALLELUJAH!

GLORY! GLORY! HALLELUJAH!

GLORY! GLORY! HALLELUJAH!

HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING ON!

ON! ON!  _ ON! ON! ON~ _ !"

Arizona finished grandly, throwing their arms out and singing so that their voice rang over the hills and echoed in the storage warehouse, all throughout the town. Aleksander seemingly fell dead, the knives being pulled out of several places of his body.

It was peaceful for a few moments, the wind blowing through Arizona's blonde hair and ruffling their pure white dress. Their blue eyes that resembled their dad's so closely seemed to shine in the moonlight.

Low-pitched whistle.

High-pitched whistle.

_ Silence. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have a Tumblr account dedicated to Hetalia fanfics if any of you wanna check it out... it's APHetalia-FanficsCanHealMe
> 
> :)


	18. The Recovery…?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred is the Sole Bad Decisions Maker in this one...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you goes out to Jessamine_of_the_west for letting me know about the error I made with Canada's provinces and territories- in two different chapters, I say ten children and then I go and say thirteen... I am a dumb dumb *cri* So... the sixth, seventeenth, and twenty-second (that one's not published yet, hehe) are fixed!
> 
> I, uh, also have a thing at the End Notes... I'd appreciate it if you checked it out! Or not, haha (help my writing is terrible)-
> 
> Um... so school's starting soon for me, September Eighth! It's going to be all online this year, because of COVID-19. I don't have a set schedule, but I'm gonna try to do all of my school work in the morning and then have the rest of the day free! Honestly, me and my family all think it's going to spread really quickly in my high school because they don't even have a plan! Honestly, they're all idiots. If Governor Whitmer hadn't ordered all schools to close in Michigan, they would still have been open because the day before that order they decided that they would just completely stay open. *Rolls eyes*

"Ugh…" Alfred groaned as he sat up. There was an everlasting ache in his body, but he felt as though he was rejuvenated or reborn.

When he looked to his side, he saw Ivan sleeping fretfully--on the  _ floor _ . Alfred frowned.  _ Why is he not relaxed? Actually, what happened? I don't remember much… _

Alfred tested out his magic by creating a tiny flame of warmth and happiness on his finger. He smiled and put that finger on Ivan's cheek, causing him to relax and smile in his sleep.

"Fedechka…" Ivan sighed out, still fast asleep.

Alfred smiled and kissed Ivan's cheek. "Ivan."

There was silence for a minute before Alfred carefully scooched away. He made to stand up but quietly yelped when he couldn't. He was shaking too much.

But he ignored that, instead using his wall to support his weight as he shakily stood on his feet. He was dressed in one of his nightgowns. He presumed Ivan had changed him after he wasn't able to get up from bed anymore.

Alfred shrugged and stretched, sighing in relief when a series of popping noises came from his back. His stomach growled and he looked over at the door.  _ Why does it have to be so far away? _ He suddenly stopped and picked up the trash can, feeling as if he was about to throw up, but didn't.

Using the wall to support himself while he walked, Alfred slowly made his way to his door and then all the way to the kitchen.

To his surprise, there was a bowl of oatmeal waiting for him with a note. He put the oatmeal in the microwave, somehow not spilling it, and then peered at the note in an attempt to decode the blurry letters.

_ Hey Idiot, _

_ Hello Al. Good job, you made it to the kitchen. How exciting. As your doctor, I should probably tell you to shut the fuck up and go back to bed but naaahhhhh… you've been through this too many times for your stubborn ass to give up. As your brother, though, I say go ahead and see where y'all end up. Not my fault if you go in a ditch. _

_ Don't choke on the oatmeal and don't die on your way back to your room! _

_ With love, _

_ ~Your brother, Dr. Arden C.S. Jones. _

_ P.S. That man of yours is a keeper! I don't know if you'll remember this, but he stayed up with ya up until the moment that he passed out from exhaustion. _

_ P.P.S. As soon as you're done eating, go back to your room and get some rest. Don't do anything else, Al. You're not going to the world meeting either, I will go instead. _

"Thanks," Alfred thanked the note, laughed and shook his head--then grimaced and held it as the world spun. "But… I do things, Arden… notes… presentation… still…"

He sat down at the table with his oatmeal, taking out his computer and notebook. Alfred ate and wrote in a neat script. Occasionally small pangs of pain ran through him, making him pause, but he still continued on.

\---

"Mmm?" Gino groaned out as he stumbled into the dining room. A figure was slumped on the table, pen in their grasp and computer still on some presentation. "Pa?!"

Virginia checked Alfred's temperature and sighed in relief when it was almost back to normal. "Geez, you definitely need some help, Papalapa. I'm takin' ya back to Mr. Braginski."

\---

"... fingers am I holding up?"

"Two."

"Which ones?"

"Thumb and… point finger."

"Pointer finger," A sigh. "Pa, I don't know why you decided to get up in this state, nevertheless do work."

"I'm fine, really!"

"Pa, what's the square root of nine?"

Silence.

Ivan, who had just woken up, was confused as to what was going on. But he stayed still and quiet, feigning sleep.

"T… two--eigh--this is stupid! Why are you asking me these?! Choo’įį da!" (This is useless!)

A voice soothed the distressed nation. "I have to make sure you didn't hit your head or anything, you said that a lot of the past few days have been fuzzy… Please cooperate a little while more, Papà. I promise it isn't useless, okay?"

Silence.

"Pa, you have to focus your eyes. That's right, look at me." A rustling sound. "No, no, don't get up. I just want you to look at me."

"Stupiiiiddd! T’óó ahayóí!" (Too much!) Someone--Alfred?--shouted before dissolving into sobs. "I want Agitsi! Matthew!"

"Hey Pa, don't be like that. Shh, it's okay."

The crying quieted down.

"Good job. Can you tell me what my name is?"

"Names are powerful, throwing them around can be dangerous… where's Agitsi?"

"Pa, what's my name?"

"Gino V. Jones, or Virginia…"

"Good. Can you read the clock and tell me what time it is?"

"...T-Táadi dóó ałníí'..." (3:30)

"English, Pa."

"Three, three, zero."

"Can you put that in a different way? You've got the numbers right, not the pronunciation."

"Three… thirty-zero?"

"Not quite."

"Three thirty?"

"Good job, Papalapa." Pause. "Can you tell me the name of the man next to you?"

"Gino… yíní 'áhodildin…" (Again, idiot…)

"Not me, the one in your futon with you. He's sleeping."

_ No I'm not.  _ Ivan thought but kept quiet.

"I know him… Ooo, he's nizhóní~!" (Beautiful~!)

"Yes you know him. Can you tell me his name?"

"Ivan!"

"Okay, what's his last name?"

"Braginski!"

"Good job. Look at me again, Pa," A small rustle and then silence. "Your pupils are the same size again and you can hold a pretty decent conversation, so you should be good to go to sleep for a while."

"Sleep…?"

"Lay down, close your eyes, then sleep," Gino sighed again. "Ivan will be here when you wake up, I'm sure of it."

Alfred hummed. "I like Ivan. He's yilzhóólí, nitsaa… aoo', and nizhóní." (Soft, large body… yes, and beautiful/nice/good.)

"Yeah?" Gino's voice said amusedly.

"Mhm." Alfred hummed in agreement and then curled up into Ivan's side. "Sidoh~ Niłdzil~" (Hot~ Solid/firm body~)

"Papalapa, don't be too overbearing while he's asleep. You should sleep like Mr. Braginski totally is now."

"Bu' Gin-Gin~!" Alfred whined, clinging onto Ivan's torso. "I  _ like  _ him!"

"I'm sure you can tell him later, Pa."

"I will~"

"Go to sleep, Pa," Gino whispered as he leant down and kissed Alfred's forehead before he turned off the light. "You too, Mr. Braginski. And hold him, he likes being held. Just not too tight."

Ivan blinked in surprise and then gave a consenting grunt, his arms already wrapping around Alfred protectively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might come out with an explanation chapter soon, as I'm writing it up currently! Also, I'm trying out a new fanfic (the pairing is also RusAme, hahaha!) I would appreciate it if y'all checked it out and maybe even messaged me with your comment(s)? It's about a teenager named Alex that is missing her brothers dearly. Alex's friends are all idiots that are cheering her up. She meets a person, Lovino, and later discovers that he is a country. Lovino, meanwhile, is stuck on trying to get this child to see that she's amazing whilst being dragged around the world by Alex and her friends. Join him as he freaking panics over how teenagers are risking their lives for entertainment!
> 
> https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1gy2_TKCPTsTZlomPGo_8VNd3LwDZwPVu?usp=sharing


	19. Lore Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the reason for the children being born? Alfred explains whilst on bed-rest...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I've took it upon myself to revise ALL current chapters currently up, that's why this update took so long... but anyway, I added in a few little tidbits here and there and I am planning on adding an entire chapter that will be the new Chapter 14... once I finish writing it, haha! So the next update after this one will be New Chapter 14, keep an eye out~! (You don't need to reread, but if you actually want to, go ahead on your way to the mental institution~!)
> 
> ALSO: I drop a hint for my actual name... but it's tiny. I want to bet that no one can get my name unless I explicitly tell them! (Lily no cheating, no misleading them, I love you you uncultured swine)

"The author would like us to explain what they have in mind for the kind of 'lore' part behind this," Alfred shuffled his papers and cleared his throat. "And since Ivan won't let me get out of the bed, they decided to take advantage of this."

"Oi, I take offence to that!" Author-San pouted. "Besides, I thought of this while I was showering, you know shower thoughts are most… er, thought-iest of thoughts."

" _Anyways_ , I thought that first we would explain the children… you know, the main reason for this book. Well, as my research would indicate, I believe that every nation can have children, whether it be them or their partner carrying it."

"I have a few questions."

"Oh? Please do ask!"

"Well, in what order would the children be born in? In the US, Canada, México, or anywhere else?"

"Our states and provinces were born in the order that they were discovered in, but we usually refer to their age as their official age--that being their statehood," Alfred paused. "I have a theory that if other nations were to have children, they would probably birth their capital first, then it would be cities or whatever dividends they have--like Japan has prefectures--by population. Those children could then hypothetically have their own children, like Gino and Alicia would probably birth one of their capitals first; Gino's would be his state capital and Alicia's would be her country's capital. Now, those who are cities I'm not too sure about, but maybe important buildings or structures, such as the Statue of Liberty or Massachusetts Bay."

"Though it is important to note that sometimes we have 'poof babies', which is what both me and Mattie were. Babies that just poof into existence, generally in their land. From all three of our accounts, poof babies are rarer than pregnancy babies, possibly because they are states, and thus have less land to draw magic from." Alfred laughed and dragged a shaky hand through his hair.

The author nodded and tapped their cheek with a finger. "Question!"

"Yes, Nyny~?"

They tilted their head. "Well, I'm curious, would all the children be immortal, even if they are half-mortal, half-immortal from their parents, an immortal personification and a mortal human?"

"I actually have a good answer _and_ a segway to the next part, so thank you for this question!" Alfred clapped his hands together. "Yes, the child will come out immortal. And this leads me to the next section, imprinting! Imprinting, as a personification, basically means that you imprint your immortality onto someone else. We have done this with our animals, lovers, and sometimes their friends. This _imprinting_ immediately fades away if the person does something basically against the terms of the contract… let's pretend like I have a human lover. I imprint on them, they're immortal. Great, all's happy, right? Wrong. My lover goes unfaithful, i.e. cheating or having an affair, and thus loses their immortality."

"I'm sorry, _contract_?"

"Oh! There is a contract both parties must sign willingly, overseen by Mother Earth and Goddess Time. This contract has things like _'the mortal turns unfaithful the mortal will lose their immortality unless ordained as a personification by the world_ ', ' _if one raises a hand in violence, they shall lose their immortality no matter what_ ', etc, etc. Basically, don't be a dick. Also, some of these terms--like abuse--are applicable to us personifications as well. It makes me feel safer around others ever since that incident…" Alfred shook his head and smiled. "Any other questions?"

"Ah, yeah. But this one is off topic."

"That's alright, I'm done with the topics for now unless someone requests something, by comment, to be explained, those'll be in the author's notes, of course. Also… I'm starting to feel a bit tired. But not that much!"

Author-Kun nodded, ignoring the fourth-wall break they wrote in. "I'm sure we're all curious! How come you say 'over fifty states' rather than a definitive number?"

"Ah, that one's easy. Of course all the recognized territories and states are included. The general number agreed on right now is sixty-one, I believe? But if this story goes out of date, as you are writing this in 2020, we want to make sure that it can be adaptable to the future."

"Smart answer! Next one, what does your house look like? How many rooms and what types are they?"

"Well, our house looks like a large cabin, basically. As for rooms…" Alfred looked down, twiddling his thumbs. "Well, we have a small kitchen and instead of using a dining room--we don't have one--we prefer to eat outside or in the living room."

"That must be tough with everyone, having to fit in the living room."

"It is. Our bedrooms are mostly packed full to the brim with children. In total, we have ten bedrooms."

"B-but that's over five children per room!"

Alfred scratched his neck and looked away. "We don't have enough money to add more bedrooms yet…"

'Nyny' rushed over to Alfred. "Oh, darling, it's okay. I'm going to write it better for you. Everyone has to go through hardships, but people will help you through this. I promise. You're going to have a good conclusion in this book if I have anything to say about it."

"... Thank you," Alfred whispered. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, switching keyboards every two seconds: Why can't I type a colon on the . key???? And the ? isn't on the - key? And speaking of the -, it isn't on the /?!  
> Me:  
> Me:  
> Me: Stares suspiciously at keyboard  
> Me:  
> Me: Oh I'm on the US International keyboard, not my German one-


End file.
